The Wondering Muse

My Skin

2010-06-27T15:17:00.000-07:00

Maybe this is a tale - maybe this is reality. It's been so long but when you look at me, I remember. Your eyes draw me in, as you tease me.

Not to be known, not to be shared but maybe they do know.

I'm giving them enough to make them wonder. And I know when we gaze at each other for a little too long, we should look away but isn't that part of the game?

Take a look at my body, look at my hands

The sun is shining upon me, in this wide open field. People are laughing, teasing, having fun. Do they know that life's too short? Or are they just playing along?

I let myself fall to the ground, the grass tickling my bare legs and arms. And as I lay on my back I look up to the clear blue sky. And I feel broken, yet needed and wanted. But aren't we all?

There's so much here, I don't understand
I've been treated so wrong, I've been treated so long
As if I'm becoming untouchable

The sun is slightly burning me but I don't care. A bird soars the blue sky and I smile and it fools me. I hear footsteps nearing me and I know. I just know, it's you. Opening my eyes, I gaze back at your teasing yet questioning gaze. You run your hand through your hair; like a little tomboy and I love it.

Gracefull like a cat, you lay yourself down next to me with a smile that brightens my world.

O, I need the darkness
The sweetness
The sadness
The weakness
I need this

I turn my head away from the sun only to see it reflected in yours. You give a shy smile and I grin back. I reach out and softly tickle your neck, your chest and your laugh fills me up.

I need to feel your hand upon my face
I think I might have inhaled you
I can feel you behind my eyes
You gotten into my bloodstream
I can feel you floating in me

Not caring about the people around us we give into 'need' and not into 'want'.

You start tickling the backside of my knees, even though we don't really know each other that long but you remembered how much I love it. And suddenly the world stopped turning.

There was only you and me. Brown eyes reflecting. And you bent down and kissed me - your lips oh so softly and I know you felt me smile against yours.

I think I might have inhaled you.

Life's too short.

Numquom Periit Amor

2010-06-19T12:50:00.000-07:00

Love stares back at me - eyes twinkling, asking.

But it is a dangerous love.

A touch here and there, a soft kiss; a feel.

Not to be known, not to be seen.

A secret love.

Can we hide our little secret? Or will they know?

Are they watching us? Or do they turn a blind eye?

Keeping our masks on at day, we slip them off at night.

Slowly, daring, lovingly; caressing, a fleeting kiss.

And it burns but if feels so good

Not to be known, not to be seen.

Will they know as we gaze at each other?

For just a little too long; an understanding passing between us

You ask me; love in your eyes and it is reflected by mine

They never have to know

But I wonder.....

Letting Go

2010-06-19T12:26:00.000-07:00

Our hands clasped together

Our fingers entwined

You always brought a smile to my face

I always protected you no matter what

But I was holding on to a ghost

I felt you slipping away

There's nothing left here for you

You told me you were slowly going insane

You didn't want to fly anymore

And I tried my best

But my best wasn't good enough

I'll remember your smile and the twinkle in your eyes

I'll let you go now even though my heart's breaking

Little sis, I'll always love you

Life was too much for you

But you were always smiling

We'll meet again

In this life or the next

Goodbye

Your big sis,

Lena

Counting Bodies Like Sheep

2010-05-13T09:58:00.000-07:00

Don't fret precious I'm here

Step away from the window

Go back to sleep

Lay your head down child

I won't let the boogeyman come

Count the bodies like sheep

To the rhythm of the war drums

Pay no mind what other voices say

They don't care about you

Like I do

Safe from pain, and truth, and choice

And other poisoned devils

See, they don't give a fuck about you

Like I do

Just stay with me

Safe and ignorant

Go back to sleep

Counting bodies like sheep

To the rhythm of the war drums

I'll be the one to protect you
From your enemies and your demons
I'll be the one to protect you
From a will to survive and a voice of reason

I must isolate you
Isolate and save you from yourself

Go back to sleep

Counting bodies like sheep

To the rhythm of the war drums

Counting bodies like sheep

To the rhythm of the war drums

Swaying to the rhythm of the new world order

THINK!

"To conquer" doesn't equal "to have power over"

2010-05-13T09:14:00.000-07:00

Some women should understand that conquering a man doesn't equal; having power over them.

Enablers. Guarding their men like watchdogs, not letting go, ordering them around to lap at their feet. To kneel. Hawking them, leeching them but the men are none the wiser.

And for what? For love? For friendship? Because they are a parent? A relative?

It's not an excuse. It never is.

Sad.

Get up off your knees, take a look around and see who and what they really are.

You don't know remember my name

I don't really care

Can we play the game your way?

Can I really lose control?

Just once in my life

I think it'd be nice

Just to lose control, just once

With all the pretty flowers in the dust

Mary had a lamb

His eyes black as coal

If we play very quiet, my lamb

Mary never has to know

If I cut you down to a thing I can use

I fear there will be nothing good left of you

- Evenescence

Wise quotes from Oma Desala

2010-04-24T17:49:00.000-07:00

The Universe is vast and we are small. There is really only one thing we can ever truly control...whether we are good or evil.

Though the river tells no lies, the dishonest standing on the shore, still hears them.

The success or failure of your deeds, does not add up to the sum of your life. Your spirit cannot be weighed. Judge yourself by the intentions of your actions, and by the strength with which you faced the challenges that have stood in your way.

You cannot tell the depth of the river, until you see the bottom.

The true nature of a man is decided in the battle between his conscious mind and the desires of the subconscious.

The evil within is too strong to defeat, the only way to win is to deny it battle.

2010-04-24T17:10:00.000-07:00

You talk too much

Or maybe that's your way

Of breaking up the sounds

That fills you up

But it doesn't sound the same

When no one's really listening

We stumble into our lives

Reach for a hand to hold

And any wonder

We need to find

A certain something

Turn out the light and what are you left with?

Open up my hands and find that they're empty

Press my face to the ground

I've gotta find a reason

Just scratching around

For something to believe in

You have too much

You're spending all your time

Collecting and discovering

It's not enough

And no matter how you try

You never find the one you want

-Something to believe in

Metalingus

2010-04-24T17:02:00.000-07:00

I've been defeated and brought down

Dropped to my knees when hope ran out

The time has come to change my ways

On this day I see clearly

Everything has come to life

A bitter place and a broken dream

And we'll leave it all behind

I'll never long for what might have been

Regret won't waste my life again

I won't look back

I'll fight to remain

On this day it's so real to me

Everything has come to life

Another chance to chase a dream

Another chance to feel alive

-Metalingus

Nothing Else Matters

2010-04-24T16:54:00.000-07:00

So close, no matter how far

Couldn't be much more from the heart

Forever trusting who we are

And nothing else matters

I never opened myself this way

Life is ours, we live it our way

All these words I don't just say

Yeah, trust I seek and I find in you

Every day for us something new

Open mind for a different view

Never cared for what they do

Never cared for what they know

And I know

Never cared for things they say

Never cared for games they play

I never cared for what they do

I never cared for what they know

And I know

-Nothing Else Matters

Stripped

2010-04-24T16:34:00.000-07:00

Come with me

Into the trees

We'll lay on the grass

And let the hours pass

Take my hand

Come back to the land

Let's get away

Just for one day

Let me see you

Stripped down to the bone

Let me hear you crying

Just for me

-Stripped

I'm Alive

2010-04-24T16:26:00.000-07:00

I'm still alive

But can not apologize

So silent

No violence

But inside my head

So loud and clear

Come fire

Let it burn

And love come racing through

I've learned to lose

I've learned to win

I've turned my face against the wind

I will move fast

I will move slow

Take me where I have to go

- I'm still Alive

Some songs stick with ya =)

2010-04-24T16:12:00.000-07:00

I'll be posting a few posts with songs and their lyrics that have a special meaning to me....

Out of time, I hear your voice

Break through the noise

And pain

My heart's refrain

Why can't I convince myself

That this is the right time

To contend

Will you please ease my pain

Break the tide that's pushing you

Outside the place you're safe

Don't pretend

Ask my eyes

Protect my gaze

As the light makes the day

I pray

Will you please ease my pain

- Ease My Pain

Stargate SG-1 Sam and Jack

2010-04-24T16:00:00.000-07:00

I'm in the mood for some Sam and Jack quotes :p

As many of you know, I'm a sci-fi fan. Always have been, always will be. I grew up with Star Trek The Original Series when I was very young, too young to understand it all but somehow it crept into my soul and I kept watching The Next Generation until I grew into a young lady and teenaged through Voyager.

So falling in love with Stargate SG-1 came naturally to me. I've been following them since day 1 and has been a part of my life for over 13 years now. The show is incredible, amazing actors, very strong story-line, good special effects - certainly for a TV show.

For some reason, I always find myself 'shipping' couples. Guess it's the romantic chick in me boiling to the surface =).

Sam and Jack have a very, very long relationship that can't happen because they're both in the Air Force and even more Sam is serving under his command which goes against frat rules if they consider having a romantic relationship. But as love goes, you can't help falling in love. And that is exactly what happens between Sam and Jack.

They sacrifice their love for their duty. They both know they're in love and it's not just some fling. It's more than love. It's a bond they share, beyond death.

Both trying to fall in love with someone else, they find themselves failing each time. After eight long years they FINALLY let themselves pursue a relationship because for one - she's out of his chain of command and two - coming too close to losing each other too many times cleared their heads and they eventually listen to their hearts.

I do have to say, it's an angsty relationship. It's eight years filled with angsty love. Loving the other while knowing you can't have them. Knowing you can't love them, hold them.

It's true what they say: fear will bind you stronger than love. And having to share all this pain and trusting the other in constant combat, it translates in risking your own life for the other. Wanting to sacrifice your own life for the one you love.

It's - well - I'll let the quotes speak for themselves :) The pictures are random and don't go with the quotes but it shows how much one can say with only a look.

Sam Carter: I take it you're Colonel O'Neill? Captain Samantha Carter reporting Sir.

Jack O'Neill: Oh, here we go. Another scientist! General, please.

Sam Carter: Ya know, you really will like me once you get to know me.

Jack O'Neill: Oh, I adore you already Captain.

Janet Frasier: You miss him?

Sam Carter: Yeah.

Janet Frasier: Is this a problem?

Sam Carter: No! No of course not.

Jack O'Neill: I didn't leave - because I'd rather die myself than lose Carter.

Sam Carter: Yes Sir.

Jack O'Neill: Sir....

Sam Carter: Please...Jack.

Sam Carter: Thank you Sir.

Jack O'Neill: For what?

Sam Carter: For being here for me.

Jack O'Neill: Always.

Jack O'Neill: All right! What?

Teal'c: Major Carter felt a similar sense of frustration. She despaired of the thought of never seeing you again.

Jack O'Neill: Because I care about her - a lot more than I'm supposed to.

Kerry: Is the Air Force the only thing keeping you apart?

(after Sam's trapped behind a force-field and the ship's about to explode)

Sam Carter: Sir? You gotta get out of here.

Jack O'Neill: So do you.

Sam Carter: Sir.

(starts beating against the force-field)

Jack O'Neill: I know I know!

Sam Carter: Sir - just go.

Jack O'Neill: NO!

Portrayed by the wonderful Richard Dean Anderson and Amanda Tapping

For their talent and their good heart and beautiful soul

Peace and love

That's Miss Emily for you ^_^

2010-04-24T14:56:00.000-07:00

Another beautiful sunny day; it's magic to my heart, my nose, my ears and my eyes. What little I need to make my heart flutter. To chase away the winter-bats and open up to summer-butterflies. If we could all just stand still, push out the worries of the world, take a deep breath and enjoy the slight, warm touches of the sun's rays.

I was born in July and I will always be a child of the Summer.

I recently moved to a bigger appartment. Not that it's THAT big, but it actually has room for me to sit outside with Emily and here are some pictures of her enjoying the sun.

Fail! LOL

Bioshocked

2010-04-04T15:13:00.000-07:00

So I've played for six hours now. During those six hours I managed to get to the last level of Bioshock, cook dinner, eat and watch an episode of NCIS ^_^

Which brings me back to the subject of Bioshock being way too short. You pay a lot of money for it and you can actually finish it in one day. Don't get me wrong, I love Bioshock, but if you would compare it to Final Fantasy XIII which I'm at 70+ hours - it's not worth the amount of money.
,
Sure, now the game is a lot cheaper so go out and buy it. Though what I do like better about this one compared to Bioshock 2 is the fact that you can backtrack. Visit all the previous levels and pick things up you might have missed. Or just go hunting for trophies, which I'll be doing when I finish it, so it has a replay value to it.

This is my fourth of fifth - I'm not sure - gameplay so that means a lot. Says a lot about the quality of the game. Not that I'm saying that the games I don't touch are bad per se, just the games in the genres that I play.

Even when I finish this playthrough, the game's gonna stay in my collection. It's got such a great atmosphere, wonderful level designs, amusing and quite interesting characters and a Hollywood-worthy story. One that I've touched upon in one of my previous blogs.

Bioshock 2, I'm not too sure I'll be keeping that one. I might let my dad have a go on it and as soon as he finishes the game, I'll go trophy hunting and will be selling it again. I'm sorry 2K, I love the effort and spirit you put into the game but it doesn't beat its first installment.

Which is kinda sad. Look at Uncharted. It can be done.

So, finishing Bioshock tomorrow and do some trophy hunting and then I'm back on Final Fantasy XIII do to some more trophy hunting ^_^

Quote of the Day: Love is just a chemical, no matter the origin. We give it meaning by choice.

Oh my gawd o_O

2010-04-04T07:47:00.000-07:00

After 2 hours and 41 minutes, the update has finally installed himself on my PS3!

Meanwhile I finished my ironing, read the last chapters of my latest book, watched an episode of Flikken Maastricht and cleaned the kitchen. *rolleyes*

Let's see if I can finish this Bioshock playthrough today as it's 16u43
*rubs fingers and grabs PS3 controller*

Game on!

PS3 Updates and slow Internet connections

2010-04-04T05:39:00.000-07:00

Couple of days ago, I re-started Bioshock to get the trophies that I wanted - and could get - to finally put this little baby away.

Lo-behold, I finished playing it in one day, made a proper new (read back-up) save and crushed the end-boss after doing so.

But wait! Instead of auto-saving on the last file, the PS3 saves OVER my back-up file, instantly deleting my whole playthrough.

Needless to say I was pretty damn pissed off.

He could pick from two files but no he HAD to screw up mine.

Not my sparkly black friend that evening.

So, anyway - because I'm such hardheaded and stubborn as hell - I decided to give it yet another, very last, try today. With four back-up saves!

Until I got prompted to update the PS3. Now, I'm over my download limit on my Internet connection until the 7th of April and it automatically goes to a slower connection.

26 minutes later, it's still at 7%.

If I had the time and money, I'd hunt down my Internet Providers and beat them down with a spoon.

*insert very annoyed, rolling eyes, sighing brunette*

So, meanwhile I'm stuck with ironing until the download finishes. Hopefully sometime today - preferably this afternoon still.

Oh, has anyone seen the new Resident Evil Afterlife Trailer? Gosh. I'm speechless - and that doesn't happen often - and I don't mean that in a good way. What were they thinking?

Bioshock

2010-02-10T09:03:00.000-08:00

Many of you know that I like my games to be "story-heavy" or at least have a profound meaning. Okay, granted, Uncharted 2 had a fanfic-like story in which the hero is in love with the girl and she almost dies and in the end he finally tells her he loves her and all's well that end's well but there are games out there; like for instance Bioshock that carry a heavy theme, a message to a lot of people out there.

It's a story about power and how we could and would use power. And that the bad guy may not always be the bad guy because there could be someone there even worse.

So whom are you loyal to? How far would we go to let ourselves be ordered around? How far would be go to help or to survive.

And that is what Bioshock wants us to experience. In the game you're a man arriving in an underwater city. A city created by a man sick of goverments and power mongers and he just said: ya know what? Screw you all, I'll just create my own city under water and people can be who they want to be.

He quoted: "I am Andrew Ryan, and I'm here to ask you a question. Is a man not entitled to the sweat of his brow? 'No!' says the man in Washington, 'It belongs to the poor.' 'No!' says the man in the Vatican, 'It belongs to God.' 'No!' says the man in Moscow, 'It belongs to everyone.' I rejected those answers; instead, I chose something different. I chose the impossible. I chose... Rapture, a city where the artist would not fear the censor, where the scientist would not be bound by petty morality, Where the great would not be constrained by the small! And with the sweat of your brow, Rapture can become your city as well."

But of course in the end he had to create rules, punishment and by lacking those he created a city in chaos. People partying all the time, ravishing others, murdering.

The city known as Rapture became a lost city.

From the start there is a man asking you, "would you kindly", to help rescue his wife and kid. Of course you want to because that's a good thing. Right?

Then they seemed to have escaped high up in the city and he asks you "to kindly murder someone to get the key to free them". You do this because the man with the key is just a bad guy. Or is he?

Then you start to realize that you are being used as merely a puppet to execute orders. You murdered people for this man.

And in that man's words: "A man chooses, a slave obeys.", you struggle with your conscious. Did you really choose to help him or did you just obey his orders like a slave?

I think that's a very powerful statement.

Something that recently happened to me on my previous job; I chose to leave because I refused to be a slave.

That's Bioshock for ya, I'm really curious how Bioshock 2 will turn out to be; gameplay wise and the story of course =)

Game on!

More Blue Moon Awards!!!

2010-02-10T08:14:00.000-08:00

This is beyond crazy! I can't stop grinning like an idiot!

Just went for a stroll to get my Bioshock 2 copy-

(through the snow, my whole town was in distress, saw four accidents, 2 cm of snow; no traffic lights, a providor lost his Internet, phone connection, Digital TV, no credit card terminals working, no police because they're on strike...more than 900 km traffic jams throughout Belgium!...*headdesk* You gotta love this country...I have this huge box filled with vanilla candles just in case the electricity goes out and we get stuck in the freakkin' dark ages)

-and came back to see that I got an email stating three of my fanfics were up for nomination!!!

...must stop using exclamation marks...

I'm so humbled by it, so touched. The three stories that were nominated are:

Hope and Love
Ché Ché
Fulfilled Dreams

Voting starts on March 9th, go vote if you really really like one of the stories, please do check out the other nominations because there are some people up there whom I strongly believe should pick up writing as a profession. There are so many talented people up there!

Thanks a million for the appreciation ^_^

Grand Theft Auto IV

2010-02-09T20:57:00.000-08:00

Since I'm still pumped by all the adrenaline souring through my body from all the dancing, I don't feel like sleeping...even when it's 04u46 xD

Grand Theft Auto IV might be slightly overrated to some so I was really weary when I started playing this but I found myself drown into the story, the characters, the mood, the gameplay, the Trophies of course and I truly believe it's in the top 10 of best games ever. Series wise of course because I'd have a lot of Final Fantasy's and Resident Evil's in that top 10 =)

The game itself is very well played out, it's a story within a mission. Each character has his own difficulties and missions to complete and you, as Niko, need to help them.

Whether it's stealing high end cars, delivering "packages", driving around with dead bodies, stealing, breaking in, killing mob families, dating their sisters,... the list goes on and that makes the game so playable. It doesn't get boring at all, frustrating yes whenever you have to do a story mission and you keep failing and you can't continue but after some time you find that if you take a deep breath, it's do-able.

The story blew me away. It's a very very strong script, very good voice acting, very believable characters. Some of the conversations had me in fits of laughter. It's pure geniusness, I tell ya.

And in the end, spoilers be warned, he doesn't get the girl. He does save his brother though and I believe that is why it can still be very heartwarming. You can relate to it. His family is so important to him, there's a lesson in it, I'm sure.

I finished it but I still have two trophies I need to do for it to be completed in my book. This is not a game where I can get a Platinum Trophy. o_O

But back to some examples of the quotes in the game. Nico was watching television (yes you can do that in the game) and on one of the shows; it goes something like: and the British came, sure they did they're all gay!

I mean knowing that this game is made by the Brittish...LOL... them Brits like to take the piss out of themselves. Gah. I love them.

Niko Bellic: (when drunk and hailing a cab) Heeeey! Yeeeeeeeeelooooow Car!!!

Which to me is really funny, I have a friend who does the same thing when he's drunk LOL

Vladimir 'Vlad' Glebov: (answering his phone) Hey. Hey, gorgeous, no. I can't talk right now. What are you wearing? Listen, I'll call you back.
[to Niko]
Vladimir 'Vlad' Glebov: Sorry.
Niko Bellic: Who was that?
Vladimir 'Vlad' Glebov: Never you mind.
Niko Bellic: Was it Ivan?
Vladimir 'Vlad' Glebov: Oh, that's funny. You know, for a damn yokel you're a very funny guy.
Niko Bellic: [laughing] Yes. And for an annoying dick, you're really an annoying dick.

Niko Bellic: [after being insulted by Brian] You're a dick!
Brian Meech: I'm a rich dick, friend. I'm young. I'm rich. And I'm loaded. You know what?
[Takes out $100 and hands it to Niko]
Brian Meech: Have a hundred dollars, on Uncle Sam. Benjamin Motherfucking Franklin. Freedom! [Walks away] This coke is okay!

Dimitri Rascalov: You know, if there is one thing that I have learned, it is that we must obey the rules of the game. We can pick the game, Niko Bellic. But we cannot change the rules.

United Liberty Paper: You think I don't know that? You think I've been sitting around scratching my balls with my head up my ass?
Niko Bellic: I'd be impressed if you had been.

Well that's it for GTA IV and as my clock reads 05u56, I bid you farewell yet again because I know I'll be having another sleepless night later today as I'm gonna pick up my copy of Bioshock 2!! More on that later ^_^

Insanity: going slighty controlled mad

2010-02-09T19:44:00.000-08:00

Insanity; a word with different meanings.

It is known to be a condition; a derangement of the mind.
Or used by the law to state someone who's unsoundness of mind affects their legal responsibility or capacity.
It is also known to be a psychosis.

Or in my case; someone who's extreme folly, has a foolhardiness but controlled.

Controlled madness.

I just came back from a party; the invitation coming in just two hours before it started but hey sometimes, you just gotta live on the edge and feel stress.

Nah, I'm kidding. Are you crazy, I don't need two hours to get ready.

It was insane. The party was crazy and wild and did I mention; insane?

There were different kinds of rooms set up; each a theme expressed by emotions. There was a psychedelic crazy happy room with TV's displaying all kinds of happy things and clips.

Then you had a dark room; complete with Vampire themed waiters and black satin couches and gosh...I loved that room. Though I found out I really don't like Bloody Mary's. The cocktail Dracula's Bite was pretty darn good...no seriously...they had a punch set up on the table and it was waving me over. I could not resist it. The bright red and purple color worried me though LOL

And for those wondering; no I don't take drinks from strangers but I pretty much knew everyone that was in that room. Look at it as a very large home party.

It felt that way, my jaw still hurts from all the grinning, smiling and laughing.

Oh and the dancing. How I love dancing. For me it really is an expression of emotions...letting go. Something I don't do easily...like I said; it's controlled madness.

My dancing is a lot more controlled (again that word) because of my bad knee that can dislocate if stretched too far. And because of that I'm not that technically anymore and there were girls there...man...they were good. Very good. I used to be on the stage with them.

Those girls were dancing like cheetahs with fire crackers up their butt and I was the turtle stampeding through peanut butter.

I don't know just goes to show that you need to treasure your body. Your body is your temple.

Anyway as the party was in full swing...and my head...I was in the middle room which had a stage and large dancing space and two bars and loads of big screen TV's and this woman walked into the room; swaying her hips, her head high as she walked like a cat.

She stopped in the middle of the room and everyone turned to look at her and she said, " we are not amused".

Which is sexy, funny and freaky at the same time. Multipersonality. HELLO? Anyone?

But normally that kind of behavior would rub me the wrong way but I found myself in the center of her attention. I could see and feel she was a Black Heart, just like me.

So she walked up to me, probably knowing who I was (because like I said, I know those people), and looked me up and down, tilted her head to one side and asked: "what are you thinking now?"

And I said, "I feel like I'm being licked and lapped by a cat and her cream."

And she laughed, she actually took the dare and leaned into me and said in my ear, "Saw through my act huh?"

I couldn't help but smile.

I had met my Master. I'm good but I'm not that good.

2010-02-09T17:09:00.000-08:00

Those who are dead are not dead

They're just living in my head

And since I fell for that spell

I am living it as well

Time is so short and I'm sure

There must be something more

- 42 by Coldplay

Wohoo I'm nominated for the Blue Moon Awards!!!

2010-02-09T09:53:00.000-08:00

*jumps up and down on the couch*

I just got an email saying three (!) of my Stargate Sam and Jack Music Videos are nominated for the Stargate Adult Blue Moon Awards!!!!!!

I'm so excited and so, so, hugely grateful. It's the best "thank you" an artist can get. Some say that their play didn't suck but the audience did but I don't agree. I can honestly say that the Stargate crowd, especially the Sam and Jack fan base, are a joy to be around with. We are such a family, we laugh together and celebrate but when the going get's tough we're all there to help each other. And I've been nominating other people last year but I'm really surprised to have three of them up there. Certainly when knowing that I've been away from the fan base for quite awhile, except for Shipmas that is.

I was so lacking in time because of my previous job, it just felt like getting up, go to work, get back home, take a bath, make dinner, do the laundry, watch something on TV and fall asleep to start all over again. So when I quit that job, I can finally concentrate on things that I should've been doing during the last three months. Therefor my new updates *snort*

Anyhoo, getting sidetracked again, these are my videos if you want to take a peak. Voting for the awards should be starting around March 20, I think. I'll get back to ya when that happens :)

My nominations are:
My Body
So What
Tempus Fugit

*still squee-ing*

A shout out for Vash12349

2010-02-08T19:43:00.000-08:00

I have to say there are some people I've met during my life that I consider to be soul mates, really really good friends.

And some of those will always be in my heart and even though I tend to dissapear for awhile that doesn't mean I love them less.

Another important thing in your life are the people that you might never meet but leave a lasting impression on your heart, your mind and your soul.

So here's a shout out for Vash, he's a guy who makes walkthroughs for video games and he does his own commentary as he plays it. Yes it is a recurring theme on my blog ^_^, because he just makes me laugh and snort and giggle out loud even when I'm having a bad day.

Check out his channel at: Vash's Gaming Insanity at its Best

He's done some of, what I consider to be, legendary games like; Dead Space, Uncharted, Resident Evil 2, Resident Evil 5, Metal Gear Solid Series,...

You gotta hear him but these are one of his strongest lines... careful it's got some grownup language.

Here's just a few lines from his new Resident Evil 2 walkthrough on the first and only original Playstation 1 or in his case Playstation X, it just shows what the game and Resident Evil Franchise is all about:

"God those graphics are amazing! I swear like when I first played this game when I was like ten or something like that , I was like: 'this is the shit', now it looks like shit but you gotta appreciate old school days ya know."

"Now that there is everyone's favorite neighborhood licker, in this game Licker was my favorite, favorite monster. In Resident Evil 5 he became the gayest bastard on the planet."

"Wait. Listen. Are there footsteps? I think there's two on this left side...nope. But there is health! Holler! Thank the Lord for green shit!"

"So this is a puzzle. Not too rough...unless you're retarded or you really suck at puzzles."

"Let's go finish exploring. I like exploring. (on screen Leon bumps into a locked door) Ooorgh, there goes my exploring. Here's the end of my story. Who would've known, my only weakness; locked doors. Nah I'm kidding, I'm the master of unlocking."

"Here's our first key. What we do with it? I fucking forgot."

"The best thing to do here is...run like Hell!"

This ladies and gentlemen is what Resident Evil is all about LOL

Next posts: GTA IV, CSI Miami, NCIS, CSI Las Vegas, Stargate SG-1: Sam and Jack, Moving, Writing Fanfic and loads more.

Seeing as it's 04u39, I bid you farewell before my two braincells freeze on me.

*topples over*

Dragon Cave

2010-02-08T12:50:00.000-08:00

Okay okay *throws hands up* I finally let myself be convinced to get a little Dragon Egg from the Dragon Cave.

...

Blame Jessy, Jess and Tom for this one. Kuddos to them really, because I'm not that easily convinced. Period.

And about that Facebook account, nag as you might until my ears melt away or fall off my head: not a chance in Hell! *shudder*

Those Who Are Dead Are Not Dead

2010-02-06T19:29:00.000-08:00

I found myself being utterly blown away by a Resident Evil fanfic which spawned the idea for making another Jill/Chris Music Video: Undead

The music is from Coldplay and I was watching a CSI episode just the other day and its intro was this gem of a song. I love how it's dark, sad and ominous.

And notice the picture above?

I was whining and wailing a few posts back about how much I wanted a Chris and Jill scenario because the RE5 one...lacked...for a better word...emotional interaction between them. I pleaded, pretty please with a cherry on top and now finally it got here!!!!

I'm excited, can you tell ^_^. *jumps up and down*

It looks sooooo good, the details are to drool over and we get some excellent voice-acting.

The previous RE's kinda sucked in that department.

Jill sandwich? Anyone? LOL

It should release in March, keeping fingers crossed!

Game on!

Forbidden Innocence

2010-02-06T19:00:00.000-08:00

Something I wrote because it wouldn't leave me alone, it just asked to be written. It has a double meaning, for you to find out =)

The hot water caressed her skin

Desire from deep within

His fingers raking over her naked body

Ever so innocent yet naughty

Vulnerable yet knowing

Her dark passion not showing

Lips devour and eyes lock

A ship hiding in its dock

As she milks him

Her vision blurry and dim

Hearts racing to follow

A hot wave cleansing sorrow

All that was ever craved

Her soul rinsed and saved

For he shall leave her once again

He was a thief in the night; that man

It's oh so quiet SHH SHH, it's oh so still.

2010-01-25T09:03:00.000-08:00

Ah yes, didn't I state at the beginning of this Blog adventure that I suck at keeping up with these things? Right.

Know thyself.

I'm taking some time off from work...or is that "former/used to be/glad I resigned work"? *tongue in cheek*

Therefor I'll try and update this blog more during the next couple of days.

My mail (sadly the wrong kind of "male" *snort*) and emails are piling up , I can't even see the dust laying on top of it. It's crazy.

So just now I'm filling out a crossword puzzle to win some trinkets for Emily and next to it is an advertizement and it says: HOT TWINS looking for your phone number for sex and threesomes.

Does it make me a weird person if I'm not that bothered by it...at all?

Can you be too open-minded?

Nah. I don't think so. Just as long as everybody knows their own boundaries, I'm more than fine with it.

Just use the damn boundaries!

*stares at a man walking down her street dressed in a kilt with nothing underneath it*

And it's windy....

*quickly closes curtains and instead stares at Tony*

For those living under a rock; NCISsssssssweeeeeeeet.

Shippy Novel Review: Valhalla

2009-12-20T12:52:00.000-08:00

I strongly encourage you when you like the shippy bits to go out and buy the book!

'She' is always Sam and 'he' is always Jack unless stated otherwise by me.

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp, Double Secret Productions and Showtime.

Novel Valhalla written by Tim Waggoner

*** “Carter,” O’Neill interrupted. “Let’s focus on the Not-So-Jolly Red Giant heading our way, all right? I promise to let you talk at me some more later. Who knows? I might even listen.”

Sam gave O’Neill a look that said, You’re not as funny as you think you are, but O’Neill ignored it, just like he always did.

*** The giant stumbled, tried to regain his footing, failed, and smashed into the ground face-first.

“Timbeeeeeer!” O’Neill said, and Sam couldn’t help grinning.

*** Sam and O’Neill sat alone at a table near the cook fire.

“-I couldn’t get him to tell me whether or not the valkyrie’s horse flies, though. He just laughs whenever I ask.”

“Colonel-“

“I’m sorry, Carter, but don’t you think it would be cool to see a horse fly?”

“Very cool, sir, but-“

The longhouse door flew open and a howling gust of wind blasted into the structure.

*** Odin looked down at the leader of the Vanir, and his hard expression softened. “Rise, Baldr. And your men may do likewise.”

Baldr stood, and the rest of the Vanir in the longhouse rose to their feet. None sat, however. Sam elbowed O’Neill and stood up.

*** O’Neill made an exasperated face. “See, this is why I have trouble talking to people who claim to be gods. If they really are gods, then they should already know-“

Sam elbowed the colonel again, only much harder this time.

“Ow! All right, all right!” He took a deep breath and continued more calmly. “We have come, oh mighty Odin, in search of knowledge.” He turned to Sam. “Better?”

“Much.”

*** Sam didn’t even try to stifle her yawn this time. She reached for the radio tucked into her vest, turned the volume control up, and then thumbed the button to talk. She spoke softly so as not to wake the sleeping Vanir around them.

“How’s it going out there, Colonel?”

O’Neill’s voice came over the radio’s speaker. “Cold and windy, Carter. When we get back to Earth, remind me to buy an industrial-size drum of lip balm.”

Sam smiled. “Will do, sir.”

*** Sam turned to see O’Neill coming toward her, carrying a bowl filled with some sort of grayish glop. He reached down to help her up and she accepted his hand gratefully.

O’Neill handed the bowl to her, along with a metal spoon.

O’Neill led Sam over to the table where Daniel and Teal’c sat.

*** “I wish Carter was here,” O’Neill said. “Nothing personal, Jonas, but she knows more about starships engines than all of us put together.”

*** Unfortunately, Sam had no idea. When it came to times like this, when none of the alternatives seemed like good ones, she had a way of coming to a decision: she asked herself what Colonel O’Neill would do.

*shippy sigh*

Shippy Novel Review: Do No Harm

2009-12-20T12:45:00.000-08:00

I strongly encourage you when you like the shippy bits to go out and buy the book!

'She' is always Sam and 'he' is always Jack unless stated otherwise by me.

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp, Double Secret Productions and Showtime.

Novel Do No Harm written by Karen Miller

*** "Yes, sir," she said. "Colonel-"
He nodded. "Have fun, Carter. Don't let the kids get into any trouble. And if Daniel's struck with the sudden urge to explore any mysterious caves or unexpected ruins I am ordering you to sit on him until it passes. Capisce?"

"Capisco," she said, grinning. "Have fun with your reports."

*** O'Neill waved the general (Hammond) down the stairs into the living room. God, he looks beat. "Yes, sir," he said, heading for the kitchen. "You'd better. I always order too much. Carter's renamed my fridge the The O'Neill Laboratory. She says I should apply for funding."

*** O'Neill sat back. "Soil samples? Carter's after soil samples now? Oy vez mamma mia."

"And plant samples," said Hammond, grinning. "Let's not forget the plants."

He pulled a face. "She talks to them, you know. She talks to plants. Shouldn't that, I don't know, disqualify her from romping in alien pastures picking flowers?"

"Now, now," said Hammond reprovingly. "That's just sour grapes because the last plant samples she gathered - over your vigorous complaints, if memory serves - look like they're turning the world of pharmacology on its head."

"Oh. Yes. That," he said, and rolled his eyes. "Well if you're going to count that as an excuse for her to run around the galaxy impersonating Maria von Trapp..."

Laughing, Hammond stood.

*** "Daniel, I don't want to hear it!" Sam Carter, unusually short-tempered. Almost, dare he (Hammond) say it, channeling Jack O'Neill.

"Oh, stop trying to be Jack!" Doctor Jackson, of the same opinion.

*** When the rest of SG-1 joined them (O'Neill and Hammond) in the briefing room he broke the news. As usual it was as good as impossible to gauge what Teal'c was thinking. Doctor Jackson stared at the table, leaning on his folded arms, eyebrows low in a frown. Sam flicked a single glance at Jack then pokered up just like he remembered Jacob doing in the past. She was her father's daughter, all right.

*** "Yes, sir," said Jack, and shoved his chair back. "Welcome home, kids," he added to his team. "Play nicely while I'm with the principal. No picking on Carter, Daniel, just because she burst your bubble. I mean, it's not like you're not used to having your bubble burst, right?"

*** Carter turned. "Colonel Dixon, I'll be prepping the UAV for launch in a few hours. If you're still awake you should come to the gate room and watch. It's really kind of cool. Colonel O'Neill never gets tired of it, do you, sir?"

*** She chewed the edge of one fingernail. "I should recheck the telemetry. Maybe I missed something in the MALP or UAV readouts. I could've made a mistake in the-"

"Oh, please," said O'Neill, who was disconcertingly capable of following at least three different conversations at the same time. "How likely is that?"

"Thank you, sir. I appreciate the sentiment. But-"

Sam wrenched the top off of a bottle of beer and chugged down a fortifying mouthful. "Then count me out. If that's what you guys feel like doing, fine, but not me. In case the fact I'm in civvies has you confused, Dixon is still a superior officer and-"

"He's not mine," said the colonel. "Or Daniel's. Or Teal'c's."

She glared at him. "But he's mine," she said sharply. "Sir. As you damn well know."

O'Neill sat back, considering her. "Relax, Sam. We're off duty. We're on private property. We're just friends kicking back over takeout and beer, shooting the breeze. Where's the harm?"

She met him look for look. "The harm, Jack, is that I don't feel comfortable.""

The use of his first name pinged him, she could tell, even though his expression didn't alter. "Well, neither do I, Carter. "

*** "I (Dixon) don't doubt him, I'm just wondering whether-"

"Yeah, Dixon, you are doubting him," interrupted O'Neill. "And more importantly you're starting to piss me off, so-"

"Sirs," said Carter. "Teal'c. Don't you think this can wait?"

Silence, as they stared at her. Then O'Neill grunted again. Not angry, but accepting. Diverted, Dixon considered him. Took in the way O'Neill dropped his hackles and held his tongue. So the major can pull rank on the colonel? That's a new one. I'll have to remember that...

*** She sighed sharply. "I don't know. I don't know if there's anything we can do. You know what the colonel's like. But if you think there's a moment when you (Teal'c) can talk to him, get him to lower his guard for once, maybe-"

"I have already attempted to do so," he said, after a moment. "I was unsuccessful."

"Oh," she said. "Right." Their eyes met in perfect understanding.

"Perhaps you could speak with him yourself."

"Yeah, right," she retorted. "Because he's always confiding in me."

Beneath the dark humor, a sting of pain. Did she know what she betrayed of her heart at such moments? He (Teal'c) thought she did not. He thought perhaps she was yet to fully understand herself where O'Neill was concerned. Just as O'Neill did not understand his feelings for her. I cannot help but fear, a little, what will happen when understanding does at last come to them.

*** "O'Neill looked over to Daniel Jackson, who had taken off his pack and was wrestling with it as though it were a mortal enemy. "Oh, please," O'Neill muttered. "Herding cats would be easier, I swear. Daniel! This isn't your first barbeque! Time to roll!"

Lotar looked startled. "Roll? No, we must walk to the village. Very carefully, for the path is narrow and steep."

"It's all right, Lotar," said Major Carter, not quite hiding her amusement. "It was a figure of speech. Colonel O'Neill means it's time to leave."

*** "I don't," said Sam. "But this is her world, not mine. I don't get to say what's right for her. And she took a big risk for us. Sir."

Daniel watched Jack shake his head at her.

"You realize that's the fourth pair of dog-tags you've lost in the last sixteen months? Uncle Sam's going to start sending you invoices."

Sam shrugged. "I can live with that, Colonel."

They exchanged complicated looks, then Jack visibly shifted mental gears.

*** The crowd parted for them, whispering and pointing at Sam, who was trying to pretend the fuss about her hair wasn't getting on her nerves.

"Never mind, Carter," said Jack with a sidelong smile as they impersonated a gaggle of baby ducklings following an unlikely mother duck. "Before our next mission you can do a full-on Sinead O'Conner," he added, raising his voice. "That'll fix the style police's little red wagon."

"If you'd only thought to bring a pair of clippers with you, sir, I'd do it right now," she replied.

Jack snorted. "Shame on me for my lack of forsight."

*** Carter muttered under her breath, then marched over to join him. Immediately she was mobbed by the young girls and women in the crowd, who pointed and giggled and squaled at each other. With a long-suffering glance back at O'Neill she pulled off her cap, shoved it into her pocket and surrendered to the inevitable.

"Damn," said O'Neill, sounding affectionately amused. "Wish I'd let Daniel bring his camera, now."

Dixon grinned. "She's a hit, all right."

*** "You're in charge, Carter," he said briskly, loudly enough for Colonel Dixon to hear. "Happy hunting. Bring me back some nice souvenirs. Anything naquadah-shaped would be just fine."

She had to smile, though the burden of his expectation was heavy. "I'll try, sir."

"All things being equal I'll be home well before sunset."

"Yes, sir," she replied. "Be careful."

He tugged his cap more firmly on his head. "You too. See ya."

Standing on the path outside the retreat, she watched him as he moved swiftly and silently through the still-sleeping village. Dixon came up behind her and whistled softly. "What do you want to bet he could retrace his way back to the gate with his eyes shut?"

"I know he could," she replied, as the colonel was lost from sight. "It's one of his things."

*** (Sam's injured and Jack just walks up to the village seeing it)

"What the hell?" he demanded, shouldering his way between the villagers clustered around his damaged major. "Carter?" She was seated on a carved wooden stool, her bruised and bloodied face pinched with pain. There was more blood on both of her arms, on her ripped black tee-shirt and her fatigues, which were torn in at least four places. Dixon was swiping an iodine pad over the viciously abraded skin of her right arm, making her wince and suck wind.

"Carter!" O'Neill said again. "What happened?"

She looked up, and beneath the blood and grime her pale cheeks tinted pink. "Oh. Sir. Hi." Awkwardly she shrugged. "I had an accident."

"Yeah, I can see that," he retorted, ignoring the whispering Adjoans. "I just don't believe it. I leave you alone for five damned minutes and you're trying to kill yourself? What happened?"

The edgy snap of his voice had the gathered Adjoans scuttling backwards. Daniel pulled away from this whirring digicam. "Easy, Jack. Sam's okay, it's worse than it looks, and you're upsetting our new friends."

*** "Yeah. Okay. Fine." He took another deep breath. Damn. Blood and Carter were never a good combination. Of course blood and any of his team were never a good combination, but Carter... "So obviously, Major, you fell down," he continued, forcibly derailing that particular train of thought.

*** Behind him the retreat's door creaked as someone else came out. "Hey, Carter."

He heard her sharp exhalation. "How come you always know when it's me?"

"Magic," he replied, allowing himself a tiny smile, and glanced at her as she came to stand beside him on the pathway. The smile faded. "Well, hello. You look like crap."

She gave him a look. "Morning, Colonel Pot. Major Kettle reporting for duty."

"Carter-"

"Sir, I'm fine. Are you?"

"Yes." But obviously she wasn't. Dark circles marred the skin below her eyes, which were glazed in a way he didn't like one bit. Her cheeks were barely touched with color, and there was a drawn look about her that suggested she was suffering a constant undercurrent of pain.

She smiled. "Yes, sir."

Marginally satisfied, he frowned at the scenery. "Okay. Is it just me or is Mennufer more floral?"

She considered the view. "No, sir, it's not you. It seems a lot of flowers have bloomed overnight. But that's spring for you. One minute everything's dead and bare and the next it's, like, where the hell did all these leaves and flowers come from? Haven't you ever noticed that?"

He gave her a sidelong look. "Hello, have we met?"

She grinned. "Sorry."

*** On the floor beside him, Carter stirred. Groaned. Made a feeble attempt to shove aside the sleeping bag from her face. " Carter. Welcome back."

She groaned again, squinting up at him. "Oh. Sir. You look terrible."

He managed a smile. "Yeah, well, I don't think you'd win Miss Air Force USA right now."

Slowly, she touched her cheeks. "No blistering. That's something." Then she winced. "Sorry. God. My head's pounding. What's wrong with me?"

"Spring fever," he said. "Just lie still, Carter. I'll get you a painkiller."

Muscles aching, creaky, feeling as old as he'd become on Kynthea's planet, he fetched Tylenol and a canteen for Carter. Helped her sit up. Helped her swallow the pills.

"You'll be fine," he said automatically.

Her lips quirked. "Is that an order?"

Crap, she was trying to joke with him. She was lying there so sick, whiter than a ghost, and she was trying to joke with him. Not even the glowing lamplight could wash a semblance of health into her face. Her bloodshot eyes looked strangely sunken and her pallid cheeks had taken on a waxy sheen. And her arms...her arms...something - not blood, but something wet and glistering - had seeped through the gauze bandages on her bruised and scraped arms.

Carter saw him staring and looked down. "Holy crap. What's that?"

"I don't know," he said, his heart banging his ribs. "Sit tight, I'll be right back."

*** Watching him (Dixon), resentfully grateful, O'Neill shrugged. "We'll manage. You and Teal'c can carry Carter on a stretcher. If Lotar survives the night, Daniel and Bhuiku can carry her on another one. I'll walk. It's all good."

Dixon looked up. "Goddammit, you're cold."

"Actually, I'm hot. Got a fever, remember?"

"That's not what I meant. You-"

"Thanks for helping Carter," he said. "I'm going to take a nap."

Now Dixon's face was baffled. "I don't get you, O'Neill. I just - I don't get you."

*** "Carter, go to sleep. Let somebody else worry about the damned naquadah."

She sighed. "Yes, sir."

Silence. Abruptly he was reminded of Antarctica, and fear. "Sam..."

"Yeah?"

"We're getting out of this."

"Is that a promise, sir?"

"Yeah."

Another sigh. "Okay."

*** Jack leaned across to Sam and gently shook her shoulder. "Hey, Carter."

She rolled over groggily. "Sir."

"Get yourself together. We'll be leaving soon.-"

*** "Jack," he (Daniel) said, stopping just short of touching distance. "Look..." He folded his arms. "I know you're worried, I know you want to get Sam to Fraiser for treatment, but...the villagers needed more time."

That earned him a glare. "A lot of people need treatment, Daniel."

Ah. Yes. Okay, backing away from that one...

*** He (Dixon) scrubbed his fingers through his filthy, sweat-damp hair. "I looked in on Carter a few minutes ago. No change."

There was just enough drifting illumination from the powerful arc lights to reveal O'Neill's face. Beneath the blood-black blisters and the silvery stubble, the dregs of color left to him had drained away completely. He looked almost...fragile.

"She'll make it," said O'Neill. "If she can survive a snake in her head she can survive anything."

*** Then he (Dixon) crossed to Carter, to see how she was. He'd thought she belonged in one of the medical tents, but O'Neill wouldn't hear of it. "She stays with us. We look after our own."

*** (Dixon talks to Janet and Hammond through radio transmission)

"And she's still short of breath? Still running a fever?"
"Yeah. I'm keeping her temperature down with cool wet cloths and feeding her Tylenol when she's awake enough to swallow, but it keeps creeping up. O'Neill's sitting with her at the moment, talking to her. I think he's getting through, but-"

*** (Jack's fallen asleep on the stool next to Sam's camp bed when he has a nightmare and falls off the stool but Sam doesn't wake although Dixon was watching him the whole time and let him sleep/stay with her.)

Dixon was watching him, and Dixon already knew too much. He looked at Carter, stripped out of her heavy field uniform and redressed in lighter, kinder surgical scrubs. Reached out to her, and let the tips of his fingers rest against her bare wrist. Beneath his cold touch he could feel her sluggish pulse. Her sunken eyes remained closed, but she was still breathing. She was still with him. He hadn't lost her, yet, or let her down.

*** He looked at Carter, so still and distant on the camp bed beside him. It seemed her flesh was melting from her bones. Beneath the disfiguring red rash her skin was translucent. She hadn't opened her eyes for him in quite some time. Oh God. Please God. Don't let her be dying.

Resting his hot and hurting gaze on her he said, "I'm glad you're here, Dixon. Things are easier, because you're here."

*** It was galling, having to lie flat on his back and reply. But the effort of sitting up, even onto his elbows, was too much. He was drained again, all his energy poured into sitting over Carter.

*** "Oh, Jack," said Daniel, half-smiling, half-frowning, and removed his hand. "You are so far from fine. How's Sam?"

He rolled his head on his miserly pillow, so he could see her sleeping face. "Well, she's not dead."

"Jack."

Shrugging irritably, he pulled a face. "What? What do you want from me?"

Daniel heaved a sigh. "Nothing.-"

*** "It might be something." Daniel chewed his lip. "I really hope it's something, Janet. Things are pretty bad."

As if she needed him to tell him that. In silence they continued to SG-1's tent.

Jack was ill-advisedly out of bed, sitting on a camp stool beside Sam. He let go of her flaccid hand when he saw they had visitors and pushed unsteadily to his feet.

*** (Janet's sitting next to Jack's camp bed)

His head rolled on the pillow, his stark gaze shifting. "Sam's bad."

There was no point lying. "Yeah. She is."

*** "How bad are you feeling? Honestly?"

Instead of answering, O'Neill looked across at Carter, who hadn't so much as twitched a finger at their raised voices. Then he stared at the crusted blisters on the back of his hands. Finally, he looked up. "I'm not dying."

*** "I know," she (Janet) said. "You're sick. But you're not getting worse." She bit her lower lip. Time to give him the bad news. "Jack, I'm moving Sam into the women's ICU tent."

He stared at her, unblinking, then shifted his gaze to Sam, so still, so silent, so absent. "Is that really necessary?"

He wasn't questioning her medical judgment, she knew that. He was just afraid. Which makes two of us. This is the sickest Sam's been in her whole life. If I can't save her... "She needs closer monitoring," she said. "She needs oxygen and-"

"Oxygen?"

"As a precaution. Jack, she needs a catheter. She needs her privacy."

"Yeah," he said, after a moment. "Yeah. Okay."

"I'll have Teal'c and Colonel Dixon come get her. Stay put," she said, sternly. "I'll be back in a minute."

But when she returned, Teal'c and Dixon in tow, of course he was off his camp bed and on the stool beside Sam, holding her hand and talking to her.

"-out of this, Carter. We didn't survive Antarctica, and Apophis's invasion, and you getting Goa'ulded, and - and that damned black hole and-" He stopped. "We didn't survive all that," he continued after a moment, his voice unsteady, "and the rest of it, for you to get taken down by some damned snakehead virus. Okay?"

Sam wasn't comatose. Not yet. Her eyes were open, and she was looking at Jack. "Okay." She sounded frail. Insubstantial. "Whatever you say, sir."

Jack let go of Sam's hand and retreated to his own camp bed. Sat down again and started picking at the scabs on his wrist, pretending he wasn't terrified and furious and lost.

"How's it going with Teal'c?" he said. He had himself in hand. If she (Janet) didn't know him so well she'd think he was indifferent to Sam's plight.

*** Blisters cleared up, scabs scrubbed off. All his aches and pains a memory. Whatever was in that Tok'ra vaccine, it was pretty cool. Damn. And now we owe them.

Except he wasn't sorry, not really. Not with Carter sitting there grinning at him, brimful of life.

*** "You going home, sir?" said Carter.

He nodded. "Oh, yes. You?"

"Yeah..." she said slowly. "Only first I thought I might-"

"What?" he prompted.

Her cheeks were pink. "You'll think I'm an idiot."

"Oh, I already think that," he said, so innocent.

"Yes, sir. Thank you, sir," she said dryly. "I was going to say, I thought I might go up top for a while."

He stared. "Up top? Of the mountain?"

"Yes, sir. As top as we can get, anyway."

"Well...okay. Why?"

She shrugged. "Why not?"

(Sam, Jack and Teal'c go up the mountain and called it a night when they saw 3 shooting stars :) )

* Hammond was frowning. "That would be between me and the President, Colonel."

"But-"

The tips of Carter's fingers touched O'Neill's arm. "Of course, General," she said, as he subsided.

*shippy sigh*

Shippy Novel Review: Relativity

2009-12-20T12:00:00.000-08:00

I strongly encourage you when you like the shippy bits to go out and buy the book!

'She' is always Sam and 'he' is always Jack unless stated otherwise by me.

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp, Double Secret Productions and Showtime.

Novel Relativity written by James Swallow

(this book is about Jack's daughter coming from the future, I've scribbled down all the hints that could imply whom Jack's going to have a daughter with)

*** She turned and flashed a grin as she stepped down the shallow stairs from the Stargate. "Well. No trees. That means you owe me lunch, sir."
Jack's O'Neill grimaced as he took in the sparse landscape. "Yeah, okay. Fine. Easy bet. Just don't gloat, Carter. It's unseemly."

*** Grimacing, Jade blinked at the rain and pulled the hood of her cloak up over her head of short, unkempt blond hair.

Sidenote: *blonde*

*** Jade blinked back a sob in her throat and concentrated. Your mother's gone, Tyke? I'm sorry. I lost my mom too.

*** Ite-kh's mouthparts released a series of clicks and hisses. "I know," Jade replied quietly. "It's just...I wasn't expecting this. I thought he (Future Jack) might be different when we got back here. Back to Earth."

Sidenote: *Jade was born on Earth*

*** As it always did, the thought of her parents lit the cold fire deep inside her. She knew that she should remain focused and undistracted, but being here pulled at her calm, set her off-balance more than she had expected it to. She thought of her mother, of her kind face and her warmth, and not for the first time she (Jade) wondered how her father would have been if she had lived.

*** "Right, sure." Daniel nodded slowly. The more he looked at her (Jade), the more he felt like he recognized this person, but on some weird, tangential level. And, he had to admit, she had gorgeous eyes, dark hazal and deep enough to drown in.

*** Perhaps Ryn was just one of those people who couldn't hack an away game. She sighed inwardly. Great. I'm picking up the colonel's habit of making ice hockey references.

*** It was long moments before Carter hazarded a look up at the bomb. It was largely intact, still attached to the inner wall of the vent, but now blackened and warped. The naquadria vial was visible, unbroken and quiescent.
"Carter?" Jack's voice emerged from her radio, wary and concerned. "Sam, do you read me? The clock's at zero. Tell me you got it."

"We got it, sir," she replied, a rush of fatigue rolling over her.

"Outstanding, Major. Get back up here, we'll have tea and medals."

*** Colonel O'Neill stood at the door, arms folded, with a slightly amused expression on his face.

Sam blinked, slightly off-put.

"Ah, Sir. How long have you been standing there?"
"Since Lee left. It's kinda fun watching you do your thing, Carter."

*** She (Jade) seemed relatively unremarkable; just an ordinary person, pretty even, in a nondescript kind of way. At least, that was how it seemed at first glance. Again, Jack felt an odd moment of dislocation when he studied the woman's face, just as he had when he caught glimpse of her in the gate-room. Even though he was sure he'd never seen this person before, O'Neill couldn't escape the sensation that he knew her.

*** "Damn it." Jack spoke into the radio again. "Carter! We've lost video down there, do you read? Sam!" His only reply was the hissing of a jammed channel.

*** The intruder's (Jade) shoulders sagged, and when she spoke again the weariness in her voice sounded almost genuine. "You're right, Samantha. It is a game...But if I told you what the prize was, you'd never believe me."

Sidenote: *Samantha. I can only remember Jack saying that name.*

*** "How did you know she was going to go for the Stargate?" said Sam, after a moment. "There's a dozen other ways she could have tried to get out of the facility."
Below them, the woman (Jade) looked up and stared directly into the mirrored glass, as if she were looking Jack right in the eyes. "It's what I would have done," he replied.

*** He (Future Jack) thought about Jade, when she was small, how she asked him to explain what the shapes on the Stargate meant, the glyphs that mimicked the star-silhouettes.

Sidenote: *meaning Jade's mom and Jack's love would have been part of the Stargate program or at least have the clearance to know*

*** "We're going to find her sooner or later, you understand that, right? Carter, y'see, she figured out that if we could track the naquadria traces on you, we might be able to use 'em to pinpoint where you'd been hiding out recently."

The woman's (Jade) brow furrowed. "That's... Clever. I didn't think she knew how to do that yet."

"Oh, she's real smart, Jade. Like you wouldn't believe. Sometimes, the stuff she comes out with, even I have a hard time keeping up with it."

*** (Jade's mind melting with our Jack to show him why she traveled back to the past)
Jack felt a dozen sensations all at once, flashing through him with incredible speed. Images and feelings bounced through his mind's eye so fast he could barely comprehend them. The fur of a sleeping cat.

Sidenote: *Jack's not a cat person, guess who is :)

*** She (Jade) nodded. "The last surviving officer of Stargate Command, leader of the Earth resistance... Commander-in-Chief Jack O'Neill."
The colonel felt the color drain from his face. "Say what now?"
Jade gave him a wan smile. "Hey, dad."

*** (The two Jack's are stuck together in a cell.)
"But you have to know it's wrong! For cryin' in out loud, man, you're talking about killing men and women you've served with, who trusted you... Us.. Whoever!" He shook his head, barely able to take it in.
"Teal'c, Daniel, Sam!"

Sidenote: *the writer intends to bring out Sam in this conversation*

*** "One thing that boggles my mind." She eyed him (Daniel). "Jack has a daughter?"

"Will have. Her name's Jade." He paused. "And no, I don't know the answer to the obvious question."

Sam felt a little color rising in her cheeks. "Oh. Okay. It's just that the colonel's separated from his wife and... Well, he doesn't, uh.." She trailed off into a sigh. "Anyway, that's not important right now."

*** Sam suddenly found herself seeing faint ghosts of Jack O'Neill's face in the semi-conscious woman's appearance. There was a part of her that was searching for elements of another face as well, but she pretended not to be aware of it.

*** "The cells are made of bio-plastic. It seals itself shut like bones knitting, or something." (says future Jack)
"How'd you get out last time?" Jack demanded.
A shadow passed over the old man's face. "Sam rescued us."

The way he said Carter's name gave Jack pause. Regret and anger oozed out of the word. He found himself unable to stop from asking the question. "Where is she in... Where you come from?"

The commander (future Jack) turned on the pallet and glared at him through the transparent bars. "She's dead, okay? Very dead. Not Ascended-dead or any of that other stupid new age crap, dead like Charlie-dead, like Frasier-dead-"

"That's enough!" Jack shouted.

*** The simple directness of Jade's statement made Carter shiver involuntarily. "If you succeed, you may cease to exist in this timeline. It's not much of a reward-loss balance."

The other woman laughed quietly. "You're amazing. I'm telling you about the end of the world and you're worrying about me." Jade gave Sam a sideways look. "You're just the same as you were. As you will be."

"You know me?" Carter asked, even as a voice in her head warned her to say nothing more. "We were friends?"

The moment of warmth on Jade's face faded. "We were," she replied. Then the scanner beeped, and the woman became all business again.

*** "Ice hockey!" she blurted.
Jade shook her head. "I guessed that one when I was twelve, and he (future Jack) stopped using it. And, besides, I tried it already." She hesitated, then typed something else. Sam didn't see the word, but it did the trick.

"So what was the codeword, then?"
"A name," Jade said quietly. "My mother's name."

*** Sam's heart tightened in her chest. "Jack..."
"I am certain Colonel O'Neill has effected an escape," Teal'c said firmly.

*** (future Jack and our Jack are talking on the deck at Jack's cabin waiting for Teal'c and Sam to arrive and join them)

The other man's (future Jack) eyes clouded over. "But as much as I want to say yes, every time I look around, every face that passes me by, all I can see is all the things that I lost on the road to get here. Too many things, Jack, too many things to remind us of old hurts and losses. Seeing people who I watched die walking and talking again, friends and..."

He trailed off, glancing back at the cabin, towards his daughter inside. "And other people."

The old man nodded. "She's just like her mother. I see so much of her in Jade, it cuts me like a knife sometimes." He smiled. "I'll tell you who, if you're sure you want to know."

O'Neill was lost for the right words. "I don't... I'm not sure..."

*** O'Neill took a draught of beer. "Don't be too hard on him (future Jack). He got that way because he thought he had nothin' left." Both men turned as the sound of a car drawing up outside caught their attention. Daniel looked and saw Sam and Teal'c stepping out.

Beside him, Jack smiled. "Me? I reckon I've got plenty."

*shippy sigh*

Shippy Novel Review: Roswell

2009-12-20T11:53:00.000-08:00

I strongly encourage you when you like the shippy bits to go out and buy the book!

'She' is always Sam and 'he' is always Jack unless stated otherwise by me.

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp, Double Secret Productions and Showtime.

Novel Roswell written by Sonny Whitelaw & Jennifer Fallon

*** He recommenced typing in his code when a familiar voice called from below, "It's okay, Jack. We're not Ori."

The other was wearing an Air Force uniform with three stars on the shoulder and a chest full of medals. Jack was starting to wonder if he'd hit his head harder than he first thought when General Carter turned her gaze to him and smiled.

*** "Okay," Jack interrupted. "Now, as much as we love entertaining visitors, we were kind of expecting someone else... General Carter?"

The smile on Carter's face was a little too smug. "Have been for a while now, Jack."

He hadn't missed her calling him Jack the first time, either.

*** "Is it going to involve a lot of math?"

Carter seemed amused by his question. And far too knowing. "No, Jack, but it'll require a little more than five words. Now, do you think you can get someone to help us down from here before this tips over entirely?"

There was a distinct 'three-star talking to a two-star' edge to her voice, something that he'd developed an ear for during his months in DC. "Is it going to?"

This time, the smile touched eyes that had seen maybe twice the years as the Carter of this era.

*** A reflexive smile exaggerated the not-so-fine lines around her eyes and mouth. "I'm retired now."

Jack put her age at around sixty-five to seventy, and while a part of him felt a measure of satisfaction, pride even, that she'd made it so far in her career, he found it difficult to adjust to the idea of Carter retiring.

Apparently anticipating his reaction, she added, "Only from the Air Force, not from...other things."

*** Jack stood under the shower for several minutes, letting the hot spray pummel his face and neck, trying, and failing, not to think too much about the change in dynamics between him and Carter. Three stars or not, when had 'sir' morphed into 'Jack'?

It wasn't just the designator; it was subtle shift in other ways, an implied intimacy that the passage of time alone couldn't account for.

*** Carter - General Carter - circled around the departing airmen, who tried an failed to be surreptitious in their stares, and then made a beeline for the head of the conference table.

She pulled up just short, and instead opted for the chair that the Carter of this time had most often used. Making no attempt to hide her slip, the General met his raised eyebrow with a vaguely apologetic smile. "I'm not going to stand on protocol, Jack. I'm the guest, here."

*** He'd already noticed that while Carter wore no rings, there was an indentation across the third finger of her left hand, where one had sat until recently. Very recently. Wedding bands were the first thing removed prior to Special Ops missions.

"How's Pete?" Pulling his hands from his pockets, he wandered over to the head of the table.

"Nice try, Jack," she replied, sliding into her seat.

For some reason he was reminded of the day that she'd strode into this same room almost ten years earlier; cocky and ambitious and determined to prove that being a scientist didn't make her a liability. The edges had been rounded and the cockiness had been wiped away her very first trip through the 'gate.

As for the assuredness, it was now tacked in place by the three stars, an additional thirty years of living and...something else that he couldn't quite put a finger on. He was definitely not imagining the unnerving feeling that she could see straight through him; into places he'd worked hard to keep hidden, even from himself.

*** If Herbert (General Carter's companion from the future) was in any way put out by Jack's brand of sarcasm, he didn't show it, while Carter said simply, "You know, you haven't changed a bit."

*** "Now, Herbert, we discussed this before we left," Carter admonished. There was something else in her voice Jack now recognized, a tone half remembered from a past life that tagged him like a shadow. Sarah had spoken like that. Maternal.

"Oh, don't fuss, my dear Samantha." Herbert unfastened the hand device and placed it on the table beside his pipe. "You're as bad as that son of yours. I don't intend to ignite it."

Carter's nostrils flared in annoyance. "Herbert!"

Allowing that piece of information to wash over him, Jack leaned back in his chair in the hope of finding a position that didn't make his chest feel like it'd been kicked by a mule.

*** "Can I say something?" Vala asked, around another mouthful of food.

"No."

"Let her speak, Jack," Carter said, effectively pulling rank on him.

*** The scientist's momentary burst of enthusiasm was squashed by O'Neill's sour look.
Carter seemed to be trying not to smile. She cleared her throat, pointing to the controls. "Okay, Jack."

*** "-the moment you arrive in 1947, you should only detect SG-1's, and-" She paused, glanced at the rear of the jumper, presumably to make certain no one was within earshot, and, lowering her voice, redirected her next remark to O'Neill. "Thor says hello."

"Thor!" O'Neill's face became positively animated. "How is the little guy?"

Carter hesitated, and then she shook her head.

*** Sam felt the full weight of that responsibility. Wiping a filthy sleeve across her face, she looked at O'Neill. "Sir, you shouldn't have come back for us."

An odd expression crossed his face. "That's what she said you'd say."

"Who?"

He shot her a somewhat jaundiced look. "You."

"General you, in fact," Vala spoke up.

*** The General pinned her with an icy glare as they once more began to plummet toward the ground. "Carter, next time you go back in time and pull rank on me, can you keep in mind how much I hate surprises?"

*** "Who'd have thought?" Jack said, shaking his head. He turned to Sam. "You see, he has a four letter word for it. Why can't you use more four letter words, Carter?"

Sam muttered something that sounded like, "muon", but Jack chose not to hear.

*** "Sir, you can't!" Sam's head jerked around.
"Carter-" His eyes bored into hers with an intensity that was agonizingly familiar. "I told you before. I am not leaving here without Mitchell and Vala."

*** Daniel shot him an odd look. "He hasn't been born yet."
"I knew that. I was just...you know."
They were silent for another quarter mile. "So, General Carter, huh? What's she like?"
"Three stars."
"Wow. Good for Sam."
"Yeah. Retired."
"Family?"
Wedding band and a son. He nodded and looked around at the scenery. "Yup"
"Really?"
"Can we not talk about that?"
"Fine."

*** Cancer man cocked the Luger. His finger, which was level with Sam's eyes, slowly pulled back on the trigger. "Maybe I am a little crazy at that. Tell me who you are or you're gonna get a bullet, you hear me? I ain't muckin' around."

"Dana Scully."

"Same last name as one of the guys who attacked us at the diner,"
(Jack told them that his and Daniel's names were Scully and Mulder, funny that Sam picks this without knowing that :) )

*** -when the transmission from Sam's radio abruptly cut off. Leveling a round of curses at the Asgard transport, Jack snarled, "That sonofa***** is as good as dead!"

*** "Ain't isn't actually a word, you know. And you ended a sentence with a preposition. The General would have you on that."

*** A peripheral view of Carter told Jack that she may not have been killed outright, but he didn't kid himself for a moment that any of them were getting out of this alive. The impact of the staff blast had impaled her on one of the splintered branches, and blood was gushing out of her chest and mouth. The shock of that realization did nothing to deter him.

*** She took the cloth and scrubbed her face. It came away clean, but that sure as hell wasn't how she felt. "I...remember being hit in the head. God, that hurt!"

"Yeah, well, the General made short work of the Jaffa who killed you."
That gave her pause. She met his (Cam) gaze, and tried hard not to stare at the gold tattoo on his forehead. "A sarcophagus?"

*** Carter -their Carter- was staring intently at her older self. "How do we know you're actually from our timeline?"

The General turned to her. "Time travel-" She dialed the 'gate using the remote DHD on her hand. "Could be interesting." (Jack asked his Carter to say something about time travel in exact five words not more)

"Oh, you really were quite lovely when you were young, weren't you?" Herbert waddled into the 'gate room and beamed at all of them. Shaking Jack's hand, he said, "Don't worry, I promised you I'd take care of her, and I have. Come, my dear, time to go home."

Carter opened her mouth to speak to General Carter, but then she shook her head. "Guess there's no point asking."

*shippy sigh*

Shippy Novel Review: Alliances

2009-12-20T11:17:00.000-08:00

I strongly encourage you when you like the shippy bits to go out and buy the book!

'She' is always Sam and 'he' is always Jack unless stated otherwise by me.

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp, Double Secret Productions and Showtime.

Novel Alliances written by Karen Miller

*** "Seen Carter or Teal'c yet?" Behind his glasses, Daniel's eyes were intent, their gaze fixed on the dancing doodad. "Sam's in her lab making love to the naquadah generator. I don't know where Teal'c is. Jack-"

"Daniel?" he said innocently. "By the way, d'you think it's wise to discuss Carter in those terms? Last time I looked she was pretty damned handy with that P90 of hers."

*** "Sorry, Daniel. Gotta go. The General awaits." And, shoving his hands in his pockets, O'Neill slouched away. Going to see Hammond, yes, but taking the scenic route.

"Morning sir," said Carter, who was indeed making love to the naquadah generator. No accounting for taste... "Could you go away, please?"

"Ah-" She flipped a switch on the generator's casing, hurried round the bench and shoved him backwards out of her lab, pulling its door closed behind them.

"Sorry. It's just I'd rather not be in there if the circuits overload."

*** "So," he said. "I'm off to Washington in the morning. To meet with Kinsey and a bunch of other stuffed shirts."

"Just you, sir?" Carter said quietly. "Because I'm not doing anything urgent. If you want back-up...some moral support..."
Their eyes met. He let himself smile, just a little bit.

*** Then she turned. "Sir..."
She never called him by his first name. Not any more. Even at times like this, when they were off-duty. In her head he no longer had a first name. Or maybe she'd just switched it out, scrubbed the 'Jack' and replaced it with 'sir'. Maybe she had a point. He didn't very often call her Sam. It was...safer...that way.

*** "Jacob! What the hell are you doing here? Come in!" He'd (Jacob) been to Jack's home only once before, during a rare and too-brief visit with Sam.

Dropping her off for what she'd said was an important meeting, he'd discovered it was actually a pizza and sci-fi movie night and he'd been brought along under false pretenses. He'd stayed, curious to know more about the man who'd risked his life on Ne'tu to save Sam Carter's father.

The man who so often was responsible for keeping his little girl alive.

*** (Jacob's musings) Teal'c clearly shared a close camaraderie with O'Neill. So did Sam. His daughter called Jack sir and he called her Carter, but it was clear they were close. Comfortable.

*** He threw himself onto the sofa opposite, cracked his own bottle's seal and held it up. "Cheers. Does Carter - Sam - know you're here?"
"On Earth?" Jacob said, returning the salute. "I don't think so, George said she's off-world at the moment."

"She is," said Jack, and took a deep swallow. "Futzing around in the dirt with Daniel on some ancient dig somewhere."
"Really?" Jacob let a cool mouthful of beer trickle down his throat. "Wouldn't you rather be with them, than hanging around here?"
Jack pulled a face.

*** If he'd been anyone else Jacob had no doubt he'd have been thrown out of the house before finishing his last sentence. But because he was Sam Carter's father, Jack just sat there looking at him.

*** Pulling aside the curtain he looked into his flowering garden. "Does Sam know about this yet?"
"No. Jack, we both know she'll go without you if she has to, but she'll be a lot more enthusiastic about this mission if she knows you're on board. Your whole team will be."
"I know," he said, not turning. "Why do you think I'm thinking twice?"

*** She snapped the lid back onto her canteen. "Let me put it this way, then. Do you think Jack is a murderer?"

She almost never did that. Refer to Jack by name, instead of rank. Not even when he wasn't around. It was a measure of how strongly she felt.

*** "-because Daniel, I don't know who else he'd listen to about stuff like that. There's no-one. Not even-" She stopped, her intent gaze flickering away, then back again. "He listens to you."

*** Teal'c shook his head. "I disagree, Daniel Jackson. I am confident O'Neill will do nothing to jeopardize the crucial alliance between Earth and the Tok'ra."
"Really?" said Daniel, surprised. "I'm not." Sam hit him. "Ouch," he added, and turned to her. "Look, Sam, you can hit me all you like but-"

"I'll do more than hit you, Daniel!" she snapped. "If you keep this up I'm going to take out my weapon and shoot you!"
He stared, impressed. "Wow. You sounded just like Jack, then."
"Good!"

*** The colonel smiled back at her. "Go, Dad. The last time I ate Tok'ra rations my guts went on strike for a week."
She laughed. "Said the man who thinks beer and pizza form four of the five major food groups."
"And so they do, Carter, so they do," he said comfortably, refusing to be baited.

*** "There is no invasion!" Jacob said.
"Really?" he (Jack) demanded. "Tell that so Sam! You weren't around, Jacob. You didn't see what having Jolinar stuck in her head against her will did to her! And the nightmares? Ask her about the nightmares, sometime. She used to wake up screaming. Crying. She-"

"Jolinar was desperate," said Selmak. "Fighting for her own life."

He was too angry to be creeped out about the switch. "Forcing Carter to carry her in the first place was exactly the behavior of a Goa'uld! he spat. "We've got a saying on Earth, Selmak. 'Blood will out.'"

"It's clear you take what happened to Major Carter very personally, Colonel O'Neill."
"Damn straight I take it personally! I saw what that Ashrak did to her because it wanted to kill Jolinar! I saw her dying in front of me! I sat with her in the infirmary three night running because she was too afraid to go to sleep."

*** Lord Rebec nodded, satisfied. "Here is more of Yu's property, Boaz. The woman is Serena (Sam). The men are Joseph (Jack) and David (Daniel). All three are highly valued by our god. Yu decrees Serena and Joseph be mated together, and David be put to a woman of this village. (they're going undercover but the Tok'ra left some parts out xD)

*** The woman Serena lost her wits, falling silent. Hol'c next touched the fire-brand to David and then, when he too was mercifully delivered from torment, finally to Joseph. Joseph didn't scream. "When the new blood wakes, explain to them the rules of this farm. They will share your roof until there it time to build new dwellings for them. Joseph and Serena are to mate from this night forth, tell them. Tell them she will quicken with his get by one month's end or both will be punished."

*** The man Joseph rolled over. "Crap," he said vaguely, forearm shading his eyes. "How much do I hate those things?"

"You okay, Joseph?" said Daniel. "Don't sit up too fast."

"Who's sitting up?" said Joseph. Turning his head, he touched the woman on her bare ankle. "Serena?"

"I'm fine...Joseph," she said.
Boaz stared. They were so easy with one another. And there was warmth in their voices that spoke of some affection.

*** "You'll be here," Boaz said to Joseph and Serena, opening the door to the room that until that morning had been his.
"It looks occupied," said Serena. "Is it yours?"
"It is the room with the mating bed," Boaz said, "I have no mate. The room is yours."

"Ah..."Joseph cleared his throat. "You know, Boaz. About this whole 'mating' thing. I was thinking maybe Serena and I could kin of wait on that for a while. You know. Since we only just met..."

Boaz stepped back and looked this Joseph up and down. "You are a stupid man," he said, not hiding his contempt. "And if you are not plowed into the barely field before the moon grows fat I shall be most surprised."

"Look, s - Joseph," said Serena, and laid her hand on her mate's arm. "I know this is difficult but we are sworn to obey Lord Rebec, servant of Mighty and Everlasting Yu."

*** "I should call Jacob. Someone better keep an eye out, just in case Boaz and Mikah come back," He ducked into the bedroom Boaz had assigned him and Carter, tried not to look at the double bed, and retrieved his communicator. "Hey, Jacob, you there?" he said, wandering out again. Carter had positioned herself by the window, and was keeping an eye on the street.

"Jack? Thank God, Martouf and I were starting to worry. You all right? Sam? Daniel?"
"Oh, we're all peachy," he said. "You know, this is some serious deep stinking crap you've landed us in here, Jacob!"

"We're living in the head man's house, for now," he said. "The three of us. And oh - yes - your daughter and I have been ordered to mate, thank you so very much!"

"I had to make sure at least two of you were together at consistent times," said Jacob. "Don't worry, Jack. You know I trust you."
As Carter made an incoherent sound of outrage, O'Neill glared at the communicator. "Jacob, I swear to God, when this is over I am going to punch you on the nose!"

Jacob laughed. "Let me talk to Sam."
"And when he's punched you on the nose, Dad, then it'll be my turn!"

*** "You don't have to tiptoe," said Carter's voice in the bedroom's dense darkness. "I'm still awake."
He pushed the door till the latch clicked shut. "There's no lamp in here?"
"Couldn't find the matches."

Inching his way forward till he bumped the bed, he sat down on its very edge. "It's all right, Carter. I'll take the floor. Just chuck me a pillow and a blanket."

"And if Boaz decides to look in on us at some point?" she said. "I wouldn't put it past him, he's obsessed with making babies. And I don't think he was kidding about Hol'c, sir. Do you?"
He heaved a heavy sigh. "No."

There came the sound of blankets being pulled back. "Come on. There's no point delaying the inevitable. You're just going to get cold, sitting there."

"Yeah," he said. "I suppose I am." He kicked off his shoes, slid beneath the covers and let his head drop onto the pillow. It felt strange, lying next to a woman after so long. Huh. How long had it been, anyway? Not since Kinthea...or Antarctica. That had been Carter, too. God. Don't think about Antarctica, or Kinthea. Don't think, full stop.

"What's that?" she whispered. He listened. "The front door," he whispered back. "Boaz. And Mikah."
She made a small sound in her throat. "Pity we don't have a headboard," she muttered. "We could bang it, suggestively. That'd keep him happy."

"We could bounce, instead," he muttered back.

"And moan," she replied, then rolled over to muffle a giggle in her own pillow.

He swatted the nearest bit of her he could reach. "Shhh! Shhh!" Paralyzed with silent hysterics, they listened to Boaz and Mikah retire to their own rooms. "Oh, God," she said, when it was safe to speak. "I knew I should've stayed at the Pentagon."

He snorted. "I should've stayed retired."
"Huh," she said, and shifted a little away from him. "Coulda, woulda, shoulda."

He tried not to care that her hip no longer touched his. The darkness was absolute, pressing him flat to the mattress like an enormous velvet hand.

"You know," she said, after a little while. "This could be worse."
He rolled his head on the pillow, even though he couldn't see her. "You're joking, right?"
"No. I'm not joking."
"Carter, how could this possibly be worse?"
He felt her shrug. "There could be ice."
Again, the danger of hysterics. "There could be Daniel."
"And Teal'c."
"There were four in the bed," he warbled softly, "and the colonel said-"

She dug her elbow in his side, shaking with repressed laughter. "Stop it! Stop it!"

"I've stopped! I've stopped!" He dropped a forearm over his face. "Okay. That's it. Serious now. We need to sleep." He took a deep breath. Let it out. "Good night...Serena."

"Good night, Joseph."

On cue, together: "Good night, John Boy."
More muffled laughter. A slow sinking into quiet. Then:
"God, Jack," she said, her voice small and lost in the darkness. "All the poor babies..."

He wanted to hold her hand. He didn't dare. "I know, Sam," he whispered. "But we'll save them. Somehow, we'll save them."
Silence. And finally, sleep.

*** Mikah's hand crept inside his shirt and pulled out a stunted, withered cob of corn. "It has weevils, Master Hol'c," he said, his eyes wide with trepidation. "It would've been thrown away. I want to make a doll. For Serena's baby, the one that will come after Joseph has quickened her."

Daniel looked at Sam. Saw that Jack was looking at her too, as though he'd always known where she was.

*** Beside them Jack sprawled insensible. Sam pressed a hand to his face then looked at the charred mark on his chest.

*** But he (Daniel) didn't think he'd mention it to Jack. The mood Jack was in, he wouldn't take kindly to contradiction. And he wouldn't tell Sam, either. For all he knew she talked in her sleep. Ha! Wait till he told Teal'c about that one. Jack and Sam, bunked in the same bed and ordered to procreate for the glory of Yu. Teal'c would laugh for a week...

*** Sam surprised him (Daniel), then, by folding him to her in a swift, fierce hug. By whispering in his ear, "Go see Jack. Make sure he's all right."
She hardly ever hugged him. She never called Jack 'Jack'. Not any more. It told Daniel just how upset she was.

*** "And what of you, Serena?" Boaz asked after a moment. "Are you worried for Joseph?" Even with the burning lamp it was hard to see her expression. "Yes," she said simply. "I'm very worried."
"Do you love him?"
"What?" Now she sounded shocked. Flustered. "Boaz, I hardly know him."

*** "You do that, Marty. O'Neill out." He clicked off the communicator, shaking his head. "The Tok'ra should hold a raffle and raise some money so they can buy that guy a clue.

"Be fair," said Sam. "You do it on purpose, just to confuse him." A small spark of amusement glinted in jack's eyes. "You say that like it's a bad thing, Carter."

Sam pulled a face at him, and he pulled one back. Daniel made sure his own expression stayed studiously blank.

*** Jacob stifled an impatient sigh. Martouf would never admit it but he was worried for Sam too. "I know."
"In addition, she has Colonel O'Neill watching her back. He will not let any harm come to her. Indeed, I have observed he is quick to put himself in danger to protect her."

"I know that too." And he did. In fact, it was something he kept meaning to talk to Sam about. Because he had some nasty suspicions in that department...a strong hunch there were things brewing beneath the surface of her professional relationship with Jack that could get messy if everyone involved wasn't extremely careful.

*** The sound of Hol'c's palace exploding into smithereens almost burst his eardrums. The sight of the uncloaked al'kesh sent him sprinting for the babyhouse, and Carter. He never reached her.

*** "Shh, shh, I know," said Janet, soothing. "But you're okay? You're not injured?"
"No, no, I'm fine, I'm just tired, the colonel's a really bad sleeper and he hogs the bed, I-"

"Sam," said Janet, delicately. "Is there something you need to tell me?"
She felt her face heating. "Damn. I wasn't going to say anything about that. Um. Look. Janet. It's not what you think. Nothing...happened. We just got stuck sharing a bed. In our clothes. I even kept my socks on. All perfectly innocent. And out little secret, okay?"

"Hmm," said Janet, and looked at the enclosing curtain. "Hey, Teal'c. You still out there?"
"I am."
"Did you hear any of that?"
"I did not."
"Good. Let's keep it that way."

*** Leith said, sounding uninterested, (to Jack) "If it concerns you, Jacob managed to rescue his daughter."
Thank God, thank God. Carter was safe. "It concerns me."

*** "I don't know. You understand Jacob, don't you?"
Jack grunted, and with some difficulty eased himself onto the floor. "Jacob's different. Now can we please be quiet?"
"Sure. But you know..."
"What?"

Daniel nodded at the bloodstain. "I was just thinking. Probably the details of how Leith died aren't something Sam needs to read in your report."
Jack's expression softened. "Yeah. Probably you're right."

*** "You have devised an excellent plan, Major," he (Teal'c) said quietly. "O'Neill will be impressed and proud."
Okay. If she wasn't careful this could get embarrassing. Breathing carefully, subduing treacherous emotion, she brought all her focus to bear on her interlaced fingers. "Thank, Teal'c. That means something, coming from you."

*** (Daniel and Jack are rescued by Sam out of some torture prison)
Sam flashed Daniel a taut smile, looking like an Amazon, and dropped to a crouch beside Jack. Her narrowed eyes swept over him, noting every singe, every blood smear.

"But the room's paid up till the end of the week!"
"Sir-" Sam let out a harsh breath, and touched Jack lightly on the arm. "Teal'c can you manage him on your own?"
"I can," said Teal'c. "If he does not cease talking I will club him unconscious and carry him to the Stargate."

Daniel took Sam by the arm and shuffled her a couple of paces sideways. Lowered his voice. "He's running a fever. I think he's delirious."
She rolled her eyes. "How can you tell?"
"Sam-"
"Save it, Daniel." She gave him her sidearm and a spare ammo clip. "Let's get out of here."

*** (Jack's in the infirmary)
"Sam wanted a minute in private first. Is that okay?"
A longer hesitation. "Yeah," he said at last. "Yeah, send her in."

Carter must've been hovering in a nearby corridor; she turned up in less than three minutes. Spick and span, as usual. The faintest air of unease beneath her pleasure at seeing him. He was pretty damned pleased to see her, too.

*** (they're talking about the Eurondan mission; the one where Jack ordered the iris closed; killing the man that was following them)
"When you ordered the iris closed..." She took a breath then let it out, incrementally. "Were you hoping I'd countermand you?"

"Countermand me?" He lifted his eyebrows. "You're a major, Major. I'm a colonel, you can't countermand me."

She frowned. "You know what I mean." Yes. He knew what she meant. "Were you hoping I hoped that?"
"Sir-"
"I'm serious. Did you want me to want you to-"
"No," she said flatly. "I thought - think - you made the right call."
Until she said it, he'd had no idea how much that mattered. "Okay."

She leaned forward, just a little. "Do you think you made the right call? Sir, do you wish I'd stopped you? Now that some time's gone by, and we've had a chance to...think about it. Should I have argued to let Alar through?"
He shook his head. "Not in a million years."

She relaxed, as though relieved of some terrible burden.

*** "I've got some goodbyes to say too," said Carter. "Berez, and Qualah. Sir, it's good to see you looking so much better. I'll stop by again this evening, if you'd like."
"Yeah," he said. "You do that."

*shippy sigh*

Shippy Novel Review: City of the Gods

2009-12-20T10:03:00.000-08:00

I strongly encourage you when you like the shippy bits to go out and buy the book!

'She' is always Sam and 'he' is always Jack unless stated otherwise by me.

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp, Double Secret Productions and Showtime.

Novel City of the Gods written by Sonny Whitelaw

*** "I like women, Captain; it's just scientists I have a problem with." "You know, you really will like me when you get to know me." "Oh, I adore you already." She banished the memory, consigning it to the place where all exiled emotions resided.

*** And let's not forget her near death at the hands of the computer entity. She had seen him through the eyes of the cameras, for the Entity had already uploaded her consciousness to the computers. His stance, his expression, everything about him said he would sooner put the weapon to himself. But duty, something he had always placed above his own needs, dictated his actions.

*** "Anyway, if you want to drop by the cabin sometime, I'll make you a cup of coffee. Real coffee," he added, frowning in the direction of her empty cup. Carter continued to stare at him, her face reflecting uncharacteristic confusion. About what, he wasn't entirely sure. It was straight-forward enough. She had to go find a life for two weeks. And if his Minnesota cabin wasn't exactly a five-minute detour, the casual offer seemed less problematic than an outright invitation.

"You're going fishing at this time of year?"

He considered for a moment, then tried for nonchalance. "Ice-fishing?" She blinked. What the hell, nonchalance was overrated. "Okay, well." He tossed her a wave and left. No point waiting for a definitive no.

Jack was halfway down the corridor when Carter called, "Sir?" He turned to see her hurrying out of her lab, still wiping her now clean hands on the rag. Her fingers betrayed her uncertainty but he saw resolution on her face. "You know...maybe I could just--"

Klaxons rang and the familiar alert echoed throughout the subterranean complex, "Unscheduled off world activation!" Staring at her in disbelief, Jack lifted his arms in surrender.

*** Carter actually did take a step back, and bumped into him. "Sorry, sir," she whispered. Jack held out a hand to steady her, but Carter was already examining the scene with clinical detachment. He envied her ability to reduce even the worst situation down to something that could be analyzed and cataloged like a bug on a pin. More than that, he depended on it.

*** The place reminded Jack of McMurdo, at least what he could recall of it through a haze of morphine. He remembered Carter though, refusing to let him die alone in the ice cave.

*** Jack had been in earthquakes before, and there was nothing particularly unusual about this one, but the FRED was in danger of being shaken off the platform. He grabbed the vehicle to steady it - or himself. Then Carter's high-pitched scream cut through the wrenching noise. The second FRED had pitched backwards, knocking her down and pinning her foot between the wheels.

"Carter!" Jack shoved the first machine into the disconcertingly tranquil event horizon, and then all but threw himself down the ramp. A shorter, deeper rumbling and shaking now replaced the long rolls of the 'quake. He looked up - and a spasm of raw terror clenched his groin. The dam had vanished, and a churning wall of gray water was bearing down on them.

"Oh, God. Run!" Carter yelled. "You can make it through the 'gate!"
"No!" He grabbed her by the arms and pulled, but the heavily laden FRED held her pinned to the icy slope.

"Go!" she shouted. He couldn't hear her through the incredible noise tearing across the valley, but he could see her lips and her eyes, begging him to save himself.

To leave her. Again. He let go of her arms and slammed his shoulder against the FRED, desperately trying to push the machine off her. The thirty-foot high wall of heaving, foaming boiling water was almost on them.

Jack briefly entertained the hope that it might wash them into the wormhole - they could probably survive a little scalding - but the angle was wrong. He met Carter's eyes, and then the water tore him away and tossed him into the filthy, steaming maelstrom.

*** Cold! Bitter cold knifed through Sam's chest. The Colonel's ragged voice. "C'mon Carter, hurry up and breathe. I'm freezing my butt off, here! ****..." Something clumsily pinched her nose. Through the noise, she heard his desperate whisper, "C'mon, Sam."

Damp warmth ringed with sharp, bristly cold covered her mouth, and then air was forced into her lungs. She gagged and coughed. Hands rolled her on to her side as a hot gush of vomit burned up her throat and sinuses and she spewed. "Yes!" cried O'Neill.

Why was the Colonel so thrilled at the sight of her heaving her guts out? Sam felt her hair brushed back from her face; felt him holding her shoulders as she threw up again and again.

*** "What gods - apart from the usual ones," O'Neill groused, lifting her over his shoulder and scrambling upwards, "have I so royally pissed off - no puns or clichés intended - to deserve this?" Did his shoulder have to dig into her stomach? Any second now he'd be wearing the last of her lunch down his back.

*** The Colonel lowered her to the ground, saying something about a cave, and going back for containers. Cold. Want to sleep. "Fight it, Carter, stay awake!" Why was it so hard to open her eyes? Ice? She rubbed ineffectually at her face but her hands were numb and useless.

Her head pounded, her foot, throat and sinuses ached, and her mouth tasted foul. Leave me alone and let me sleep. "Carter! Dammit Major, stay awake. That's an order!"

Insistent hands tugged at her feet, then at her wet clothes. Why was he taking off all of her clothes? She whimpered and batted her clubby hands at him. How could cold be so agonizing? "Please, sir!"

He was roughly pulling something up her legs. What was it he wanted her to do with her arms? She felt the texture of soft dry material over her head and shoulders, and maybe, just maybe, the bitter, killing cold was less painful. Then she heard a zipper. Sleeping bag, thermal blankets?

"Don't get any ideas, Carter," he muttered. Sam felt him curl around her, his warm breath hard on her neck, miserly conserving every joule of what little heat they could generate.

*** Waking up was not a pleasant experience. Sam felt as if her body had been used as a punching bag and her head as an ice hockey puck. Her eyeballs hurt. Hell, her hair hurt! Something warm and yielding with a slight sandpapery texture, something vaguely familiar that she associated with safety, pulsed against her nose and mouth. There was movement beneath her.

Breathing? She jerked back when she realized her nose was buried in the Colonel's neck. Why was that?

*** She remembered looking up, and staring at death. The Colonel should have gone through the 'gate, but he'd refused to abandon her. The last time she had seen that look on his face... No, that memory triggered inconvenient truths, ones that should have remained buried.

Beneath her, he stirred. "Colonel?" Her throat was dry and raspy. "You were expecting someone else?" Sam carefully rolled off him.

*** In the eerie light she saw him get up and shuffle into a darker part of the cave. "Sir are you injured?"

"For once I'm in better shape than you."

"Then why are you shuffling?"

"They're called sleeping bags, Carter, not walking bags. Gimme a minute to find some pants."

Sam rubbed her eyes and stared at him. He was wearing a pair of purple ski pants and a day-glow orange ski jacket. On his head was a ridiculous multicolored beanie - complete with fuzzy pink pom-pom - that only a vengeful grandmother could have knitted.

*** She should have died, would have died unless... Sam ran her hands over her chest and legs. Instead of BDU's she was dressed in an over-large polo neck and fleecy track pants. She glanced up. In the dim light, O'Neill's gaze was carefully masked. "Thanks, sir."

*** "All the comforts of home." He pulled out the field-cooking unit and looked around with an appraising eye. "You can shop for drapes after breakfast, but I get to choose where the plasma screen TV goes."

*** He'd had no qualms about stripping off her wet clothes. They'd had to do some pretty intimate things for one other over the years.

*** "We'll only be immersed for a few seconds. Sir, the mid-winter Polar Plunge at McMurdo takes place in minus forty degrees."

"That's where they run out of the hut, jump in a hole cut in the ice over Antarctic water, and then run back into the hut, right?"

"Naked."

"Naked. Carter, you know how I feel about singing soprano." He patted her shoulder. "Okay. Senior officer gets the hot showers first."

Her eyebrows did a confused dance across her forehead. One of these days she'd figure out that his occasional doses of pessimism were designed to trigger her extraordinary Getting Them Out Of Trouble skills. That was the day she would be ready to lead her own SG team. He missed her already.

*** He bent down and whispered in her ear, "What would you give for a hot bath?"

"Funny, sir," She glared up at him, lifted her bare hands to her mouth, and blew warm air into them. "I'm serious, Carter," he added with a smug grin.

His grin returned when he saw it on the FRED. Patting the box, he said, "It's full of candy bars. Chocolate, Major, after a warm bath." Then he mentioned with his finger for her to follow. With a look of disbelief, she went after him. "You are serious; you found a hot spring?"

*** Two-water (small child) was curled up asleep between him and Carter, sucking her thumb. (Can I just say: awww)

*** Carter started breathing again. It had freaked him out when he'd discovered her like that after the flood. But his relief had instantly turned to dread. Her face had been white and her lips blue. Another something to shove into the basement of unwanted memories.

*** He shot her a dark look, the one that usually stopped enlisted men in their tracks. Unfortunately, Carter was becoming immune to his glare.

*** "Carter?" Removing his pack and P90 as he went, Jack walked across to a ledge, and then gestured to his shoulders. "Climb aboard." She hesitated and her eyes flickered to his knees. "Sir?"

"I'm not planning on squats, Major." Carter removed her pack, climbed onto the ledge, and, bending low to avoid bumping her head on the roof of the cavern, wrapped her legs around Jack's shoulders.

With much giggling from the children - which Jack encouraged with a few theatrical grunts - he walked her across to the trapdoor. "Clear." She called down. He looked up. A rope ladder fell on his face. More giggles drifted up from below...and was that one from above? "Sorry, sir."

"No giggling, Carter, it's bad for discipline in the ranks."

*** Atlatl bowed deeply to O'Neill. "We will await your return, Quetzalcoatl." His eyes softened as he turned to Sam. "You are both beautiful and kind, Chalchi. The children will once again sing songs of joy about the beloved wife of Quetzalcoatl."

Sam consciously kept her smile affixed while the Colonel shot Daniel a peculiar look. She could have sworn she saw Teal'c grin.

(They are both portraying gods to help the children and apparently in their history the gods they are portraying are husband and wife :), though it isn't touched upon again)

*** "Carter." She flinched. The Colonel was standing directly in front of her, his eyes void of emotion. But he knew. She knew he knew because occasionally, very rarely, his own carefully fabricated mask slipped, and she saw the raw pain beneath.

*** "Carter!" Sam staggered and gagged. Once again, his voice had pulled her back from the abyss.

*** Sam woke to the sound of soft footfalls. She reached for her sidearm but the Colonel placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. Wordlessly, she stood, pulled on her jacket and balaclava, and picked up her P90, all the while trying to ignore the pounding in her forehead.

O'Neill said nothing as he handed her a small packet and crawled into her recently vacated sleeping bag.

*** Janet waited until he had passed, then said, "I also found traces of a psychotropic substance in your blood. You must have been having some interesting dreams." Sam knew that Janet was fishing, but she didn't mind.

"I had my suspicions about the green glow bugs, that's why I brought back a sample."

"Green glow bugs?" Janet laughed softly. "That has to be one of the Colonel's expressions."

*** (Sam and Janet are talking about having children and Sam starts to reflect. Nothing pointing to Jack except for the following bit.)

The military's rules about fraternization existed so that you could never be placed in a position where your personal feelings got in the way of making difficult decisions.

Her phone began vibrating in her bag. She glanced at the screen before lifting it to her ear. "Colonel?"

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything," he grumbled.

"We just ordered."

"Get it to go. General wants us back at the base. Damn!"
Sam grinned when she heard the familiar television voices in the background. "VCR, sir?" she suggested.

"It was a Christmas marathon!" he groused. "D'oh!"

*** "Would someone explain what the hell just happened?" O'Neill turned and marched back along the narrow walkway. Major Carter went to speak, but O'Neill raised a gloved finger. "Ah! Five words or less, Carter."

"What happened to ten?" The glare O'Neill sent over his shoulder prompted Major Carter to add, "Sir. It's a quantum transportation device."

"Salutations and elisions count as additional words, Carter."

*** "Don't even think it, Carter," snapped O'Neill. "Or, so help me, I'll have you busted to lieutenant!" Sam was having her own issues with the long skirt....

Sam finished tucking the last of the C4 detonators inside her shirt, and then looked around at the others. If Daniel's outfit was fetching and Teal'c's magnificent, the Colonel looked, well, amazing. He was wearing at least twice as much gold as anyone else, and his feather headdress was half as big again as Daniel's sunshade.

*** "All the way. But Carter's also got enough C4 on her to blow the tunnel behind them again." Daniel nodded. "Forming a dam to stop the magma."
"I hope she knows that." Dabruzzi sounded doubtful. "This is Carter we're talking about." Jack's voice was falsely jocular. "She'll make it."

*** (Jack, Daniel and Teal'c are presumed dead as Sam was the only one to make it through the Gate) Would the Colonel's ex-wife accept the ritually folded American flag? She should know the answer; she knew military protocol, chapter and verse. It had proved an excellent shield, an excuse to deny so many things. "Piece of advice, Major?"

"Sir?"

"When I lost my commanding officer - he wasn't a hell of a lot older than me, maybe ten years - but after what we've been through, it was worse than losing my father." He met her stiffly controlled look

*** Dr Carter visibly paled. "It's not events that change history, but how we react to them. God, all of this reality is my fault."

"No!" Sam was vehement. "If Daniel had not found the mirror on P3R-233, we'd be in the same mess." She paused. "Guess you couldn't have hated the Air

Force that much, huh?"

"Guess not." A quick, sad smile fluttered across Dr Carter's face. "Worked for it, married into it..." Her gaze faltered and she stared at the machine.

*** Sam stood and wiped the grease from her hands. Time to ride. The machine climbed the hills with ease, despite the thin mountain air. She opened the throttle.

His cabin should be up ahead. What was she doing there? Coffee. That's right. He'd offered to make her a cup of coffee.

Stifling a gasp, Sam lifted her head from her arms. Couldn't fall asleep again, had to keep moving.

*** Sam's fingers caressed the framed picture of the four of them. Teal'c with his crazy cowboy hat, Daniel looking like a startled chipmunk, and the Colonel with his quirky grin, in need of a haircut, or something.

Second hand memories they might have been, but her blending with Jolinar had taught Sam what it was like to be the recipient of a deep and abiding love. The blending had also given her an insight into emotions that she might otherwise never have understood, certainly not based on her limited romantic relationships.

*** (Of course Jack, Daniel and Teal'c are still alive but stuck on a lava filled moon. Then it's Jack's turn to think Sam and the children, he and Sam have been taking care of, have died in the burning lava.)

Two hundred feet below, just above the edge of the lava, he could see a purple light blinking frantically. It was the radio beacon he'd set up the second night, before taking the kids home to Xalo. The lava oozed up with obscene relentlessness, and swallowed it.

That's when he knew. Jack sank to his knees. He thought he'd become desensitized to the bitter pain of loss. But the full realization of what had happened drove a shaft of agony through his self-control. No. Not again. He could not do this again!

Carter and Two-water and White-owl (one of the little ones that slept between him and Sam) and most of their kids were gone.

--- Daniel stared at Jack's departing back, still not believing. But his face... Echoes of pain lingered when Jack talked about his son, but this was different. This was raw, immediate, and shockingly intimate.

His own loss of Sha're had come in pieces. That had made the burden no less agonizing, but he, at least, had had time to love Sha're, to see her once more and say goodbye, and to know that one day he would see her again. It wasn't something he could fully comprehend, much less explain, yet it allowed him to go on. But what he saw in Jack...beyond the pain was a dark and shattered emptiness.

*** Hammond's unashamed delight at seeing Jack O'Neill, Daniel Jackson, Teal'c and Dr Robert Dabruzzi stroll through the liquid blue event horizon was tempered by the way Jack carried himself.

It was exactly how Major Carter had been when she'd returned through the 'gate a week earlier. He had a fair idea of what was going through the Colonel's mind.

Hammond reached down to the microphone and called into the PA, "Major Carter to the 'gate room, on the double!"

Jack's head shot up with whiplash speed. His eyes bored through the glass, demanding. Hammond smiled, and crossing his arms, nodded slowly.

By the time Hammond reached the 'gate room, Major Carter was hugging Teal'c, whose smile had broadened markedly. Jack caught Hammond's eye, silently not asking permission for something he would never admit to. Hammond nodded once; the only acknowledgment he would ever give.

O'Neill opened his arms and held Major Carter like a drowning man clinging to a life raft.

*shippy sigh*

Shippy Novel Review: The Cost of Honor

2009-12-20T09:46:00.000-08:00

I strongly encourage you when you like the shippy bits to go out and buy the book!

'She' is always Sam and 'he' is always Jack unless stated otherwise by me.

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp, Double Secret Productions and Showtime.

Novel The Cost of Honor written by Sally Malcolm

***“Carter’s on the case, it’s a walk in the park.” Teal’c was silent for a moment. “You place a great deal of faith in Major Carter’s abilities,” he (Teal’c) observed. “The task she faces is formidable.” That was true enough, but Jack could read the subtext.

***He didn’t answer right away, but glanced over at Teal’c. “You can do it, Carter. I know you can.”.

“If I can’t-“.

“If you can’t, then it’s impossible.”

***And then, over his shoulder, “Good work, Carter. Now, get some rest.”. “Yes, sir,” came the bemused reply. “Thank you, sir.” Jack grumbled a response, and Daniel just smiled to himself. –snip- He’d (Daniel) sensed a brittleness about the pair of them that had troubled him. They were nurturing inner wounds deeper than the cuts and bruises of battle.

***Beside him (Daniel), he heard Jack muttering to himself as he tried to get comfortable again. Good luck. But perhaps he could offer Jack a different kind of comfort? “Sam seems better,” he muttered quietly, closing his heavy eyes and allowing his mind to drift. “I think she’ll be okay.”

After a long silence came a careful, “Yeah. I hope so.”.

“And you?”.

“Go to sleep, Daniel.” It was as close to an answer as he was likely to get, but he was satisfied. Jack would be okay.

***She could probably do with one of those little heart to hearts Hammond was so good at, but talking had never been Jack’s forte. Instead, he nudged her arm, and when she looked up he offered her his coffee. “Here. I’m gonna find the facilities.”

***Carter smiled, and for a moment all the darkness of the past few days faded away. He felt a burst of optimism, shaking him wide-awake like good, strong coffee.

***His eyes fixed on Sam, and something significant passed between them. A question asked, and an answer given. Daniel glanced from one to the other, trying to figure out what was going on.

***Behind him, he sensed Jack enter the room, radiating tension in waves. Daniel glanced up and saw his friend staring at Sam with an inscrutable intensity. “Carter.” It wasn’t a bark, but somehow it sounded like an order.

***“Doesn’t matter how,” Jack interjected. “We just need you to fix it and get us outta here.” His words were abrupt, with no concession to Sam’s obviously fragile state. But the gentle way he continued to clean her face belied his brusqueness; it was a tenderness Daniel found difficult to witness.

***“Colonel O’Neill said you had a tough time,” she (Janet) commented mildly, lifting Sam’s shirt to expose the bandaged wound beneath her collarbone. “If you want to talk about it…?”. “The Colonel said that?” For some reason, it surprised her. He had his own problems. “He’s worried about you.”

***“But it’s got nothing to do with Carter, leaver her out of it.” Crawford’s smile returned and he took a step forward, eyes coming to rest on Carter as tough seeing her for the first time. “Leave her out of it? Would that make things easier for you, Jack?” He said no more. He’d already said too much.

***They did the same to Carter, who was watching them all with guarded trepidation. He shared it and edged closer, letting his elbows nudge hers. Okay? She looked over and gave a slight nod in reply to his silent question.

***A savage blow to the head dropped him to his knees. “Sir!” Sam spun around, trying to protect him from another blow. –snip- The soldier raised his weapon again. “No!” she yelled, forcing herself between him and the Colonel.

***“Please,” she said, “help him.” Kenna fixed his gaze on Damaris as he said, “Chief, call a Medic.” Then he pulled a cloth from his pocket, walked down the steps from the gate and handed it to Sam. Carefully, she pressed it against the Colonel’s bleeding head.

***Letting out a slow, steadying breath, Sam returned her attention to the Colonel. To her surprise, his eyes were open and they met hers with dour understanding; Sam had no doubt their minds were running parallel.

***Breathing heavily, he glared back at her. “What?”.

“You’re wrong. Because if you hadn’t taken those plans, if you hadn’t done everything you could to bring SG-10 home, then-“ She stopped herself, habitual restraint holding her back. Damn it, just say it.

“Then what?” Beneath the angry rasp there was a plea, a need to hear some vindication after all. It was enough to keep her talking. “Then you wouldn’t be the man I thought you were. Sir.” He shook his head. “Carter, I’m not-“. “Yes,” she insisted quietly. “You are.” He stared at her, a silent interrogation, digging for a truth she couldn’t admit. Not even to herself.

***Despondently, she turned toward the door and her own room –cell- but he stopped her with a hand on her arm. “No, stay. I’ll take first watch.” She almost smiled at the guarded look in his eyes. “Yes, sir.” Close, but not too close; it epitomized so much about their complex friendship.

***A bleak smile twisted her lips, and then the door swung open. Jack held her gaze for a beat longer, watching her fear knot itself into courage. There is no courage without fear.

***The panic he’d sensed in her earlier had been blasted away like cobwebs, replaced by the gritty resilience he’d so long admired.

***Truth was, going back for Carter would be insane. Kenna was no fool –snip- He’d be waiting for them, a spider in the web. And Carter was the bait. –snip- They had no supplies, no backup, no ammo. No water. Daniel was injured, they were all exhausted.

The whole damn Kinahhi military were after them and in less than half an hour they’d have no way off the ******* planet. Retreat and regroup. It was the only strategy that made sense. But it’s Carter. (Could he leave her behind.) No never.

***“But it’s Sam!”. “I know!” His voice cracked as he spat the words, and for an instant Daniel glimpsed what lay beneath: a blizzard of self-recrimination, pain, loss, duty and honor.

***Teal'c insisted. “We shall return in greater numbers and free her.” Jack gave a short, tight nod. “The *******s won’t know what hit them.” But they were only words, a hollow reassurance. Daniel could see the truth in his friend’s empty eyes; Jack believed they were leaving Sam to die. And it was tearing him apart.

***“You seek to retrieve Major Carter?” he (Kenna) sneered. “It’s a fool’s errand. She is already dead.” Jack went very, very still. When he spoke, his voice sounded like steel rasping against steel. “What?”

***“Sonofa*****!” Jack was across the room in two strides, launching himself at the Kinahhi soldier. The water cup went flying, and Jack landed a solid punch on the man’s jaw, sending him sprawling onto his back. “You sonofa-". “O’Neill!” Teal’c darted forward, hauling Jack off of the man.

***“You should have killed her when you had the chance,” Kenna taunted, beginning to circle Jack. “Spared her the suffering. Allowed her to die as a human being, not an animal. Not screaming like an animal-“ Pushing past Teal’c in a flash, Jack landed another blow, sending Kenna stumbling backward.

***He (Kenna) lashed out, but Jack was faster, grabbing the front of the man’s shirt and slamming him hard against the wall. “You *******,” he snarled, breathing hard. He’s going to kill him… “Jack!”

***He backed off, sucking in a shaking, furious breath. “You killed her.” His words were molten with rage.

***“I (Kenna) was not speaking the whole truth –snip-. She still lived when I last saw her.” His fingers clamped around the doorframe as the world spun in giddy relief. He said nothing, couldn’t find his voice, just stared, demanding more.

***Jack was breathing hard, as though he’d just run 10 klicks. “What did she say?”

***“O’Neill, you must be prepared. Much might have changed. The Kaw’ree intended to reintegrate her into the sheh-fet.”. “Screw them, whoever they are.” He jumped up into the ship. “Carter’s alive. I know it.”

***“Carter?” The Colonel was gaping in astonishment, as if she were a ghost or a figment of his imagination. “Yes, sir. It’s me.” For a moment he just stared. “I’ve, um…” And then he shook himself, hiding everything behind an arid smile. “We’ve come to rescue you.”

***She was up ahead now, deep in conversation with Daniel. Jack let them talk, happy to hang back. What did he have to say to her anyway? Not much that was fit for public consumption, and as for the rest… There was a time and a place, and this definitely wasn’t it. She was alive; that would have to be enough for now.

***Behind him Carter shrieked, a nerve-shredding repetition of her howl in the sheh-fet. Jack’s resolution wavered; they were killing her! He took a step closer, keeping a tight rein on his anger. “Stop,” he growled at Koash. “Stop right now, or I swear to God I’ll kill you.”

***“You will not risk her.” A sly smile touched the man’s pallid features. “I have seen your mind, Colonel O’Neill. Albeit briefly. You would rather die than-“ In two bounds Jack was up on the dais with the muzzle of the Kinahhi rifle pressed against the man’s thin chest. “Actually, I’d rather you die.”

***Jack stared back at him, the man’s cold words stuck like a blade of ice in his chest. She’s already dead. His weapon fell to his side. “Why?”. “Have mercy…”. “You killed her!” Koash’s eyes were stark with horror. He knew the truth; he knew he’d find no mercy. Not after that, not ever. Jack turned his head and listened to the man scream until the end.

***“Sir…?” It was Sam, sounding groggy as Teal’c helped her to sit up. She rubbed her hands over her temples, shaking her head. “It’s so quiet.”. “It’s gone.” For a moment it looked like Jack might reach out and touch the fading marks on her cheek. But he didn’t.

***“I’m telling you,” Sam growled, “if he brings Crawford back alive, I’m first in line to kick his ass.” Daniel cast her a wry glance. “Crawford’s, or Jack’s?” Her eyes narrowed. “Both.”

***Hope beat painfully in her chest, the wind in her face making her eyes stream. Even if it had been put there deliberately, anyone could have done it. The odds of it being the Colonel..

***A familiar head peered out from behind a splintered edge of glass. He waved. He waved! “Colonel!” Sam yelled in triumph. The relief was so intense she almost sagged under its weight. He was alive!

***A Kinahhi ship spun past them, flame blazing from its tail until it drowned in the ocean. “We cannot win this!” The Commander insisted, turning now to Major Carter. “Would you sacrifice us all for the sake of one man?” From the corner of his eye, Teal’c saw Major Carter shrink from the question. A moment of self-doubt clouded her features, but soon resolve returned. “We don’t leave our people behind, Commander.”

***“I don’t think so, son,” Hammond said kindly, but then his face hardened. “Major Carter will also be reprimanded, but no other action will be taken. Dr. Jackson and Teal’c have been officially reinstated to the SGC.”.

“Carter doesn’t deserve-“.

“Doesn’t she?” Hammond fixed him with a steady look. “She knew the orders were illegal, Jack, but her personal loyalty to you led her astray. You need to ensure she’s not put in that position again. Do you understand me?”.

“Yes, sir.” On every level. Sometimes life was damn complicated, especially where Carter was concerned.

*shippy sigh*

Shippy Novel Review: A Matter of Honor

2009-12-20T09:19:00.000-08:00

I strongly encourage you when you like the shippy bits to go out and buy the book!

'She' is always Sam and 'he' is always Jack unless stated otherwise by me.

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp, Double Secret Productions and Showtime.

Novel A Matter of Honor written by Sally Malcolm

***She glanced at Jack for a moment, seeking his approval. He gave a shrug, willing to go along with whatever she had in mind.

***“The technology interests you?” Quadesh pressed, his strange amber eyes sliding over Carter in a way Jack tried to ignore. Carter, he knew, could take care of herself. Still…

***“Major Carter?” A hand touched her wrist. It was Quadesh. He had stopped next to the metal archway she’d noticed earlier, and was watching her with an intense scrutiny that was unsettling. –snip- “And what would that be? Exactly.” The Colonel inserted himself between them, imbuing his light tone with just enough threat to cause Quadesh to drop her wrist and back off.

***The Colonel squared his shoulders and stepped forward. He would go through first, of course. She wondered if he was even conscious of these subtle acts of bravery, or if they were so ingrained into who he was that they were as natural to him as breathing. Either way, she noticed. Always had.

***When she looked over at him he gave her a frustrated frown. “Maybe we can trade for it?” His mind had obviously been following hers, as it so often did.

***Carter nodded dutifully, but he wasn’t entirely convinced she shared his sentiment. Her attention drifted and she absently gazed up at the tops of the buildings that surrounded them. A speculative light danced through the shifting greens and blues of her eyes, lending them a luster that was- Not something he should be noticing.

***“Major Carter made a mistake.” Teal’c turned slightly and saw O’Neill standing with his back to him, still kicking irritably at the wall. “Mistakes can be forgiven.” O’Neill turned, eyeing him warily. “You think I’m being too hard on her?” Choosing not to answer directly, he decided on a more oblique response. “I believe you suspect that Major Carter’s decision was not entirely objective. Perhaps you should examine your response in a similar light?”

***Jack eased himself back into the seat and cast half a glance at Carter. Teal’c’s words still lingered in his mind, illuminating his own actions with a clarity that made him wince. She’d only wanted to protect him and he’d bitten her head off –snip-. Except, he knew he’d have done the same thing for her.

For any of them. And so would she. Which wasn’t exactly the problem. What was okay for Daniel and Teal’c didn’t wash for Colonel O’Neill or Major Carter.

There had to be a distance between them, they had to be careful. They had always been so careful, especially Carter. But this…? He’d had no choice but to yank her back into line, however hypocritical he felt. –snip- But he still wanted to make things right. He hated this tension. He just didn’t know how to begin with Cater – he never had.

***Major Carter, who had been much closer to the blast, sprawled motionless some feet away. –snip- There was no response. Lowering his (Teal’c) cheek to her lips he felt a faint puff of breath against his face. As he (Teal’c) straightened he saw O’Neill, frozen halfway to his feet, staring at them with scarcely concealed panic. “She lives,” Teal’c said.

***“Make sure you tell him,” Janet insisted, waving vaguely toward the door. “He’s been…hovering.” The doctor lifted an eyebrow and Sam found herself studying the weave of the hospital blanket.

***“No one knows about this,” he said. “And neither would you, if I had a choice. But you’re the only one who has a chance of making sense of it.” Sam reached across the bench, but as her fingers touched the foil his hand closed over hers. “If you open it, then you know. You don’t have to, this isn’t an order. It’s not official. It’s your choice, Carter.”

***“Carter?”.

“Sir?”.

“I understand why you didn’t tell me about Baal.” She winced; the less said about that the better. But he wasn’t finished. “I appreciate it, but it can’t happen again.”.

“It won’t,” she promised. “I’m sorry Sir.” He nodded slightly. “Me too.”

***He nodded, studying his folded hands. “Her (Damaris) and Crawford. They’re up to something. I can smell it.” A nervous laugh escaped. “That could be Daniel’s feet, Sir.” The joke didn’t do much to ease the tension, but at least it provoked a brief smile. He looked up, gratitude and something warmer shining in his eyes.

***Professionalism was what he’d demanded from her. And yet a part of him regretted her discretion; a part that needed a reassuring smile; a part he routinely ignored.

***“We’ll be right behind you, sir.” Carter’s glance spoke volumes. She might not be able to say it, but he knew what she meant – this time I’ll be there for you.

***“Looks like Yu did a pretty thorough job on the place, Sir.”.

“I can’t take all the credit, Carter.” She resisted the temptation to roll her eyes at the old joke. Given where they were, and what had happened here, even his lamest wise-crack was welcome.

***His (Teal’c) only response was the doubtful lift of an eyebrow. On occasion, Major Carter could be as stubbornly optimistic as O’Neill himself.

***Jack watched as Carter hit the floor. The zat blast caught her in the back and she fell like a stone, cracking her head and lying motionless as the blue light danced across her body. –snip- Jack felt his stomach dissolve – snip-.

“Jack we have to go,” Daniel whispered urgently, pulling on his arm. “I’ve got Sam’s pack.”.

“And they’ve got Carter!”

***Jack’s mind was red with panic. “We can’t let Carter fall into Baal’s hands!” Acid, daggers, cold white death again and again…Never. “We can’t….” –snip- But would he blow her brains out to save her from the same nightmare? His weapon dipped. He’d killed her before, once. He knew he could do it. He’d killed her to save her.

***The image of Carter’s body, sprawled lifelessly on the floor, bled into his mind. But he pushed it away. He refused to think about where she was, what they were doing to her.

He couldn’t bear to; it threatened to cut the last few strands binding body and soul together. – snip- The canteen in his hand was shaking so hard water was dripping from his fingers. Not just his hand, he realized. His whole body.

***He was thinking about Carter, and getting her the hell out of there before they flung her against the damn spider web that sucked you down into- Damn it! Think of something else. Cold beer. His dock, at dusk. Fishing. Fishing with-

***“Your friends have abandoned you,” a voice announced –snip- “You are alone here.”.

“Haven’t caught them yet, huh?” Her bright, spirited response danced through the darkness and filled Jack’s heart with pride.

***A single Jaffa stood there, face obscured by his helmet. He seemed to be staring at her.

“Ya’ol’wa?” demanded Hadat. Abruptly, and with a swiftness and economy of movement that seemed familiar, the newcomer raised a hand and pointed. “Jaffa.” – snip- The helmeted head nodded and said something else. Sam wasn’t sure, but it sounded a lot like ‘cappuccino’. She watched with hope beating hard in her throat. That voice, the way he moved…

***Her rescuer was just staring at her, as if transfixed. Sam stared back, half-delerious with relief and adrenaline, her mind running in circles. A laugh, lurking on the borders of hysteria, bubbled up as words sprang unbidden to her lips. “Aren’t you a little short for a Jaffa?” It broke the moment, and in a flurry of movement the helmet retreated into the armor to reveal Colonel O’Neill.

***“Carter.” It was little more than a hearfelt murmur –snip- Compassion, dismay, relief and other, less defined emotions, darted across his guarded features as he drew nearer. “I should have gotten here sooner.”

***“Carter?”.

“I promised myself I’d kick his ass to hell.” She sounded positively icy, so restrained she might as well have been still pinned against the gravity wall. Jack shifted, uncomfortable with seeing so much of himself in that oh-so controlled demeanor.

***Thank God. O’Neill loosened his hold on her arm, but didn’t speak or let go.

***“I should have gotten to you sooner,” he muttered as he slid the bandage under her shirt and around her shoulder, binding it tight enough to staunch the bleeding. He felt guilty? –snip-

“Don’t.” Jaw clenched, he stared at the needle for a moment. Far away. Sam closed her eyes. –snip- “Sir, I wish-“. “Don’t,” he said again, more softly this time.

***“Thanks, sir.” Half a smile touched his tense face. “For the shot?”. “For coming after me.” He stood, hefting his vast and stuffing the med-kit back into a pocket, once more avoiding her gaze.

“What else was I gonna do, Carter. Run away and leave you here?” It told her more about what he’d suffered here than anything else. That he’d come after her anyway, despite the demons riding him, reminded her that nothing she felt about this man’s courage and loyalty was unwarranted.

***He’d rarely seen her so on edge. Not that he blamed her. The image of her plastered across the landscape of his own nightmare lurked dangerously in the back on his mind.

***All she could think about was how many times it had dropped and burned into the colonel. How many times he’d screamed. And how she hadn’t been there to save him. Not one time. It made her want to howl with rage, at herself and the ******* who had tortured him. – snip – She was angry. Angry at what the colonel had endured.

***Jack was faster. Tackling her with a move worthy of the NFL, he brought them both crashing back to their knees. Pain exploded in his right knee and he cursed a blue-streak, but he didn’t let go. One arm clamped around her chest, the other around her midriff, he pinned her arms to her sides. “Don’t!” he yelled around the pain. “Carter, stop!”

***Her whole body went rigid, and Jack could feel her gasps against his chest. –snip- “It’s wasn’t him, Carter,” he said quietly, close to her ear. “He didn’t hurt you.” Breaths still coming fast and shallow, she shook her head and stared at the ground. Striving for control. When she spoke, her voice shook.

“What they did to you…” To me? – snip – Cold and weary, he released her. She sagged away from him, hands coming to rest on the ground, head bowed. Her back rose and fell as she sucked in shaking breaths. “It’s over, Sam,” he told her softly. “Let it go.”

***“Oh God. A hand pressed over her mouth. “Oh, my God.” Silently, Jack reached out and turned her away, his gaze meeting Daniel’s in a mute appeal for help. He couldn’t handle this; it struck way too close to home. From the compassionate look on Daniel’s face, he suspected that he knew all about it.

***She couldn’t hold on. She was sliding, falling… She screamed out her anger and terror. “NO!” A shadow passed overhead. “Carter!” someone yelled frantically. – snip- Jack’s heart dropped with her. “Carter!”

***Carter sat propped up against a wall, pasty white and choking up dust. But alive. Very much alive. He sank down at her side, reaching for her shoulder and struggling for detachment. When he spoke, his voice was ragged. “Carter?” She nodded, catching her breath, I’m fine. But it had been a close call. His hand tightened reflexively on her arm. Way too close.

***“You okay?” he asked softly. She offered him a faint smile, a flash of white through the dirt that covered her face. “Much better, sir.” He nodded. “Yeah, me too.”

***She leaned closer and traced a finger down the smooth metal surface of the device. “Wow, it’s so small.”. “Well, you know what they say,” Jack muttered. “It’s how you use it that counts.” A smile and a hint of color touched Sam’s face.

*shippy sigh*

Shippy Novel Review: Sacrifice Moon

2009-12-20T08:41:00.000-08:00

I strongly encourage you when you like the shippy bits to go out and buy the book!

'She' is always Sam and 'he' is always Jack unless stated otherwise by me.

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp, Double Secret Productions and Showtime.

Novel Sacrifice Moon written by Julie Fortune

*** "Captain?" he asked, never taking his eyes off of the danger. Couldn't be too careful, at moments like these.

Captain Samantha Carter, whose brainiac tendencies he was only beginning to fully appreciate, didn't take the hint to move down the serving line.

*** He kept it light, but he couldn't honestly tell if Sam Carter was one of those stick-up-her-butt officers who disapproved of gambling, along with dancing and drinking and smiling in public. Good to get it out in the open if she was. He could deal with it, but he wanted a little warning.

She looked at him for a few seconds, then said, without a flicker of her blank expression, "Twenty bucks says Daniel will be here in less than two minutes."

"Oh, I don't want to take your money, Captain," He gave her an evil smile. Hers was nearly a match.

"Well, I'd like to take yours. Two minutes." She tapped her watch.

He held up a hand. "Captain Cater, tell me: am I going to care about what you're about to say?"
She looked thrown, but only for a second. He was used to Daniel, who just kept talking. Nice to know his second in command actually listened.

He (Daniel) had an arm full of books. "Am I late?" he asked breathlessly.

Carter should not look that smug.

*** "Good. Let's keep it that way." Jack flicked the memo across the table with a fingernail toward Carter, who fielded it and put it in her own folder. "Captain, as my second in command, you're the keeper of the paperwork. And, next time a little pre-mission briefing, okay?"

"Absolutely, Colonel."

Was that a smile? Nah. Couldn't be.

*** Jack landed flat on his back, staring up at a really bright white sun, and heard Daniel sneeze, hard, two times.

A black shadow occluded the sun, and Carter reached down and hauled him to his feet-

*** Jack held up a hand. "So, no, then. Captain Carter?"

"Sir."

"Stay alert." Like she hadn't been already. She gave him a brief, warm smile.

"Yes sir."

*** He tried putting his full weight on his ankle and couldn't control a full-body flinch at the immediate wave of protest. The ankle folded.

"Sir?" Carter was immediately at his side. "How bad is it?"

"I'm fine, Carter." He shook off her support-

*** "Never been better. Captain? How are your first aid skills?"

"Depends on if it's sprained, broken or needs amputation, sir." Not that Carter looked to be any prize herself in the health sweepstakes; he kept sweeping her with looks, trying to see where the blood on her face had come from. No visible wounds. She crouched at his side with the kit and manipulated his ankle with ruthless disregard for the sound of protest he made.

*** Jack motioned for Carter to help him up.

*** "Sir?" Carter asked. She hadn't moved, hadn't taken her focus off of Daniel's six. Iron concentration. Jack approved.

*** Carter kept hovering behind him, clearly worried-

*** "Country Captain Chicken. Apart from the obvious jokes, that just doesn't seem very appetizing," She held it out to Daniel, who shook his head. "I'll save it for the Colonel. He'll probably get a kick out of it..."

She made it half a question. Daniel saw her looking toward O'Neill, but Jack's chin was down on his chest-

*** He (Daniel) shrugged and fiddled with th MRE, pulled the heating tab and waited for the entree to cook. "He respects you. He may not seem like it sometimes, but believe me, Jack's good at reading people. If he let you on the team then he trusts you."

"Nice to know." Her smile was sudden and genuine.

*** Colonel O'Neill was a tall, strong man, and he filled a room, no doubt about it, and when she stood next to him she felt included, as if his strength attached itself to hers and multiplied it.

*** Jack's dream washed over him again, thick and slow, heavy with dread. Disturbing. Kind of like watching those two (Daniel and Sam) so close together, dusty brown head bent close to dusty blonde one, examining the results of Daniel's target practice. Unconsciously in each other's personal space. Well, you wanted to see them bond. Yeah, just not in a predatory wolf-pack kind of way. If that was what it was.

"I hate this place," Jack said, and shoved himself back to his feet. "Yo. Carter. Let me do that."

*** "Who in their right mind doesn't like flying?" Jack asked, with a quirk of his eyebrows.

"Army, Navy, and Marines, sir."

"And there's the reason they're not on my team, Captain. I believe I did qualify it with right mind." She gave him the smile, then. The uncomplicated approval of it eased some of the tension that had accumulated in his guts.

*** Carter on the other hand...all the sensitivity, none of Jack's hardening. He knew she was tough, or he wouldn't have picked her for the team, but she hadn't been tested the way Daniel had, or Teal'c. It took special hardness to make it through something like this without breaking.

And now she was whimpering in her sleep again, making sounds of real distress.

Jack left his post and shuffled over to her, wincing at the strain in his still-sore ankle, and put a hand on her shoulder and shook gently. "Captain," he whispered. "Captain Carter."

She came awake with a galvanic shudder, straight up, and he saw the shine of sweat on her flushed face. She also came up with her combat knife in her hand. Jack threw himself back instinctively, before his brain even reported the flash of movement, and felt the tip of the knife dig into his tac vest a second before ripping free in a diagonal line.

"Captain!" he barked, and grabbed her arm. He twisted, hard, felt her fighting him but adrenaline and training, not to mention superior upper body strength, won out. She dropped the knife with a metallic klang and spun up to a fighting crouch. "Captain Carter!"

Everybody woke up. Teal'c came to his feet, but didn't abandon his post. It took long sweaty, skin-crawling seconds before the sanity crept into those wide eyes, and finally Carter swallowed hard and whispered, "Colonel?"

"What's left of him," he said in disgust, and looked down at his vest. Another inch, and he'd be picking up his guts with both hands. "Any particular reason you want to field-dress me, Carter?"

She sucked in a deep, shaking breath. "Sorry, sir. I was-"

"Dreaming, yeah, got that." He engaged her eyes and held them. "You okay?"

*** "Turn around, Captain," he said, and made a twirling motion when she didn't respond. She did, unwillingly, and turned her head to try to catch sight of what he was doing. "Nothing personal, Carter." He moved her hair off her neck and looked first at the unbroken skin - no stealth invasion by Goa'uld, at least - and then at the silvery mesh of the collar. It was seamless. He probed at it with his fingers, looking for some kind of catch, then had her turn to face him again.

This close, it was impossible not to feel some discomfort. He compensated by focusing hard on the objective-

*** "Sir!" Carter yelled. He ignored the screaming protest of his ankle and surged to a run, hearing Teal'c boots pounding behind, and slid feet-first into cover next to Carter. He had the MP5 up and searching targets in seconds. He felt a tug at his waist and knew Carter had drawn his handgun, but he was past arguing about that.

*** "Sir," she said, alarmed, and he felt her hands on his back. "Spear. Doesn't look deep, I think the vest stopped it. Hold on." He choked back a groan as she yanked it free and held up a bronzetipped pole with about a quarter inch of red at the tip for his inspection. Her fingers probed the wound with merciless efficiency.

*** He set his teeth and began the limping process. Unexpectedly, he felt an arm under his shoulder, and looked over to see that Carter was taking part of his weight. She avoided looking back at him.

"People will talk," he murmured, and saw her lips quirk, just a little.

*** He could see his death coming. He had to see it coming. Now he would run, and the hunt would begin... He didn't run "Carter," he said raggedly. "Put it down. Don't do this."

She understood him, and felt her muscles trembling with a desire to obey.

She saw someone lunge at his unprotected back. A knife glinted. She instantly shifted aim and fired a rattling burst. O'Neill dropped, rolled, and came up with his own weapon pointed at her.

She couldn't get her breath. She wanted to keep firing, turn her commanding officer into bleeding dead meat, and it took everything in her to toss the MP5 down on the street and sink to her knees, hand locked behind her head in a position of utter surrender. Run, the moonlight urged her. The burning in her turned toxic. Run! The hunt is leaving you behind!

"Can't." She was shaking all over with the pain, the need, the burn. "Help."

He came, limping, and painfully went down on his good knee. "How?"

"Tie me-"

"Need to be able to move. We're not safe, Carter."

"Can't-"

"You will." His eyes held hers, merciless and utterly cold. "You will. That's an order."

She wailed inside, wordlessly. The moonlight burned like acid, and her shudders got worse. She felt a small, tortured moan work its way free, and felt her eyes flood again with helpless, raging tears.

Help me.

He was helping her. He wasn't running.

*** "Come," she said, and offered him a hand. He looked at it, then up at her face, and grabbed hold.

They moved pretty fast, with Carter's arm under his shoulders and his draped around her neck; awkward, but effective.

"Rest," he finally said, panting, and Carter stopped to let him slide down to a sitting position on some cracked stone steps.

Carter grabbed him and hauled him back to his feet. "Ah. Right. Moving on," he choked, and felt the world start to unravel at the edges when his weight came down wrong. Carter, either oblivious or not bothered by his moaning, dragged him forward.

*** She looked around, dazed, and blinked at them. "Where-" And then she knew; he saw everything kick in. Fast, his Carter. She climbed out of the sarcophagus, steadied herself, and flashed him an unsteady smile.

"Nice to see you, Captain," he said, straight-faced when all he wanted to do was grin and whoop.

*** Jack scrambled over to where Carter was rolling over to her hands and knees, dazed and bleeding, and helped her up. She wiped her cut lip and grinned. "Off switch," she said, "Made one. C-4."

*** He handed her an MRE. "Country Captain Chicken," he said. "Your favorite."

She managed a wan smile, ate about three mouthfuls and yawned.

*shippy sigh*